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June, 2012

Something was moving in there

Earlier this year, I noticed a plant sprouting in my garden right between two roses. I was about to pull it out but thought it looked like a tomato so I left it. I was so busy chasing that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel off my peach tree, I didn’t notice that it was growing. The next time I looked, I had a tomato plant. It was about two feet high with little flowers so I left it there. Today, it’s out of control! I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, it’s HUGE, and loaded with cherry tomatoes. And heavy. I’m constantly tying it up because it keeps growing. Yesterday, I propped it up with some fencing I had and it’s still falling over. I didn’t plant it. I didn’t feed it. I didn’t want it. There are rose bushes under there… dying. Denis thinks that when that mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, fruit-stealing squirrel ate my potted cherry tomatoes last year, he was hiding out between the roses and left a seed in the ground. OMG, maybe he pooped it into the ground! Either way, he’s a pig. The tomatoes are starting to ripen but they’re inside the plant and I can’t get there. It’s 14 feet long and 8 feet deep! I’m not sticking my hand in there. Don’t snakes eat tomatoes? Something was moving in there yesterday and it had a tail.

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Me? A centerfold?

Here’s what’s wrong with the picture below: Back in the 80’s when my hair had its own zip code, I was doing standup comedy and someone wrote a feature story on me for a comedy magazine with my picture in the centerfold. I suppose I could have done Playboy (if I had a better face, better hair, a better body, and my own boobs!) but I can always say I was a centerfold. For some unknown reason, they stretched the picture so it was my freakishly long thighs that are wrong with this picture. If you look at the distance between my butt and my left knee, I could have rode a horse with my feet on the ground!

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Happy Father’s Day

Here’s a picture of my dad who inspired me with his great cooking. He was definitely the number one cook in the family. In this photo, I had just surprised him with his own personalized apron and he loved it! He died at 73 and never got to see me make it in television or as a cookbook author. I know he would have been proud of me.

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I hate you.

What happened?

No more peaches on the tree?

“No problem. I’ll just grab an apple!”

I hate you.

Stop grabbing my apples!!!

How about if I come down and grab your nuts?

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Airborne most of the way

This squirrel wasn’t expecting me to catch him in my peach tree. I went out to check on my dwarf white peach tree this morning because I was getting quite  few peaches just starting to grow (but too early to pick). And this mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, peach-stealing squirrel was in the tree! Eating a peach!

I scared him so bad he flew like he had wings – out from the tree, across the lawn, only touching down twice before he disappeared into the bushes. He was airborne most of the way.

Was I too mean? He had a look of terror on his face so I think he peed on my peaches. Are they still organic?

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Son, is that you?

We have more hummingbirds this year than ever. I’m guessing there are more nests around but I can’t find them. (I’m too busy chasing squirrels off my peach tree – but that’s another post). We have several hummingbird feeders and usually we just fill them once a week but since we found the nest, even twice a week isn’t enough. Who’s drinking all the water? Let’s see… who eats more than anybody else? Growing youngsters. Then I saw this little one on the feeder and he was so tiny, maybe it’s one of my babies.

“Son, is that you?” He wouldn’t even look at me. Or IS he looking at me? I can’t tell with that eyeball on the side. But it looks like he’s ignoring me, thinking… “Maybe she’ll go away so I can get back to my lunch. You got your picture now leave me alone!”

Ingrate.

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Guess who won?

It’s harder than it looks to throw a frisbee! At least for me, it kept wobbling in the air so it didn’t go too far.

After a few wobbly practice runs, I was able to throw it 29 feet.

Only one person guessed exactly 29 but I have seven gift packs to send so here are the seven winners:

1. Gail – guessed exactly 29! Yay for Gail!

2. Sue – guessed 30

3. Janet – guessed 27

4. Karen – guessed 32

5. Stacy – guessed 32.5

6. John – guessed 32.5

7. Zo – guessed 32.808399

Congratulations to all the winners! You’ll receive an email shortly asking for your mailing address and your JJ Summer Fun package will be on the way. Thanks, everyone, for playing. As soon as I find more JJ stuff, we’ll do it again. 🙂

UPDATE on WINNERS : We just heard from Gail (no photo) who says she lives in Akron,Ohio and  works in one of her local hospital emergency rooms. She has six children, two grandchildren and has been married for 27 years. And get this! She and her husband were on my show when their girls were 3, they are quadruplets. I loved the shows we did on multiple births. I’m so glad one of my “homies” won!!

Sue

Sue is one of my regular blog visitors and wrote to say, “That is soo awesome!!  This is so funny because I didn’t have a clue how far she could throw so I went out in my own backyard and threw my frisbe and measured 30 feet! So I went with  it! Happy Birthday Jenny!  And sooo many more to come!!  Love, Sue”

Karen

Karen is a stay-at home mom from Colorado Springs and is very excited about winning. Her email: “Yippie!!!!! Thank you :)”

Janet

Janet is thrilled saying she’s never won a contest before but it took a little longer for her delivery to arrive. She lives in Liverpool!

*NOTE TO Zo: Zo, your email got bounced back so please contact us at: pictures@jennyjones.com

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How far can I throw a frisbee?

Summer’s coming and what’s more fun than throwing a frisbee? I’ll tell you what – waterskiing is more fun. And okay, surfing in Hawaii. But I can’t waterski or surf so I’m throwing a frisbee. But how far can I throw it? If you can guess, you’ll win a Jenny Jones Show Summer Fun Pack. It includes a beach towel, beach ball, drink holder, hat, teddy bear, and frisbee. All you have to do is guess how far I can throw a frisbee (over or under is okay – just come the closest). You should know that I haven’t thrown one in a long time but I did a few practice throws and then… I did my best. How easy is this? I’m practically giving this stuff away – oh, right… I am!

One guess per person. Contest ends Thursday. Summer’s coming!! 🙂

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