How can something as good as popcorn have a dark side?  I made my fluffy paper lunch bag pop corn Friday night and I guess a hull got stuck up inside my gum.  I woke up Saturday with swollen and sore gums.  Flossing didn’t help and I wonder if it pushed the hull up even farther. This morning I woke up with a headache on the same side and even more pain and swelling.  I called my dentist’s office and left a message asking where I could go today for emergency hull extraction. She called back and said I was her second call this weekend for popcorn hulls (who knew?) and told me to rinse with hot salt water and put some Anbesol on it. I also took a Tylenol. It helped a lot, in fact I don’t know if the hull came out or if I’m just masking the pain and it’s still up there. That’s why I’m not big on pain pills because masking the pain doesn’t solve the problem.  You have to find the cause and fix that. If I could see it, maybe I could do something but I can’t see up there in the back. Well, I know this will pass but the bigger issue is what will this trauma do to my popcorn-enjoying experience?  Will I be overcome by anxiety? Will I hesitate before every crunchy bite?  Should I chew and floss between each bite? Should I eat it one piece at a time and first remove the hull? I LOVE popcorn.  Will life ever be the same? Will I have to snack on pudding?

I was driving down Ventura Boulevard today when I saw a bicycle coming up in my side view mirror.  It was going pretty fast and I was a little jealous because he was making better time than I was.  When I stopped at a red light, he pulled up next to my window and I thought “This guy is NOT trying to make a move on me!  Could he be a fan who recognized me and wants an autograph?  Maybe he’s lost and needs directions.”  Then I saw the badge. He motioned for me to roll down my window. “I’m officer Boyles with the LAPD.  Can I see your drivers license please?”  WHAT?? I didn’t do anything!  Did I cut him off?  Did I not make a full stop?  Was I stopped over the pedestrian line? Maybe my plates were expired. “Is there any reason you’re not wearing your seatbelt?” he said. “Damn you!” I said. “I was just going to Whole Foods. I don’t see you strapped onto your bike!”  Okay, I didn’t say it out loud, but I thought it. – What I said out loud was: “My only reason is stupidity, officer.  I know I deserve a ticket.”  Officer Boyles was kind enough to let me off with a warning but I have learned my lesson.  Whether you wear a seatbelt for safety or to avoid a ticket, you’ve gotta do it.  What he didn’t see was I had just gotten off the cellphone (also illegal in CA).  If he had seen that, I’d be blogging from the big house.

I once thought that my Alligator Lizard confrontation was the most harrowing thing to happen but no so, my friends.  My housekeeper came to work this morning with her camera-phone.  “Guess what was in my front yard yesterday?” she said. “An iguana.” Of course I assumed she meant a lizard that LOOKED like an iguana, after all my lizard looked like a rattlesnake to me. Then she produced evidence (I couldn’t take the photo off her phone) but this was definitely an iguana – a big one.  The neighbor told her he saw one in her palm tree the day before but then he drinks a lot, so she wasn’t sure.  Then yesterday she was gardening and “HELLO!”  There it was.  She said she almost fell over. “Corri y grite,” she said. She ran and screamed. Anyway, her cousin came over and took it away. Her iguana trumps my lizard for sure.  What’s next?  A bear?  Oh right, there are bears going into local trash cans.  Coyotes?  Been there.  Bobcat? Done that. Mountain lion? Just down the street. Yes, Beverly Hills is paradise.

The bees are back.  I thought they got pulverized into oblivion but I guess their relatives are conducting a search and rescue mission.  It appears they are entering under the roof just like before so the exterminators are coming back tomorrow to hit them again.  I think they smell the honey inside – I guess they’re just doing what males do… risking their lives for the scent of a woman.