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Dear Diary

Oops, I tripped and fell in the kitchen…

Oops, I tripped and fell in the kitchen. My foot caught the edge of a runner which pushed the runner forward creating a hump ahead of me for a second trip and by then, there was no turning back. It happened quickly but I still felt like I was in slow motion, seeing the floor coming at me, knowing I couldn’t stop it, and hoping nothing was going to break. The last time I fell was 20 years ago ice skating and I broke my shoulder, so this time as I was going down, I kept hoping no bones would break. And they didn’t. But I do have bruises on my right hand, left knee, left elbow, and my back is sore, but no broken bones – yay!

I ran errands most of the day…

I ran errands most of the day. To get all my favorite things I had a lot of stops: The tea store for my favorite white organic tea; Whole Foods for the healthiest tortillas; Trader Joe’s for yeast and high lycopene tomatoes; Bristol Farms for prunes; then I went to the mall just because I haven’t been for ages. What is that smell at Restoration Hardware?

What a fantastic way to start the new year…

What a fantastic way to start the new year. Denis and I had our morning tea (okay, it was noon) outside on the backyard patio! It was a beautiful day. We sat and watched the hummingbirds zoom over our heads and then guess what else zoomed over our heads? The fighter jets that flew over the Rose Parade yesterday – flew right over our house! It was so exciting!! We could hear them coming at first because they were very loud. Then two jets flew over, heading north-west. Then, about 10 minutes later, two more jets, loud and soaring high in the sky followed. I’ll never forget it. Yesterday we had our annual Open House and I had visions of having a fire going in the fireplace with my Christmas tree all lit up, but it was 70 degrees so there was no fire. In fact, I had to turn on the a/c to cool the house down. Air conditioning in January? Nobody in New York should be reading this… don’t hate me for living in California. If it makes you feel better, I had some ice buildup in the freezer.

Dear Diary 2009

January 5, 2009

We had our New Year’s Day Open House on the 1st and it’s become a tradition. I always hire a blackjack dealer so we can all play with pretend money. Too bad it wasn’t real because Robert, who developed this website, was up thousands of dollars. Then I planned a game called Kiss-Kiss where I hid Hershey’s Kisses all over the house and people had to find them. Whoever found them all got a small prize but the problem was that people found them, and ate them. I’ll have to re-think that – maybe I’ll hide Brussel Sprouts next time. Then over the weekend I went shopping. I swore I would never buy a Christmas item ever again but they were 70% off! I bought another artificial lighted tree, a Christmas runner, and just a few ornaments. What was I supposed to do? They were practically giving them away.

January 6, 2009

Whenever I type the word “Obama” and use spellcheck, it tries to correct the word. Apparently, “Obama” does not exist in the vast dictionary in the airwaves. Maybe no one noticed that he won the election.

January 8, 2009

We had another earthquake. It was around 8 pm and I was (where else) at my computer and I could feel it starting. I was just about to get under my desk when it stopped. Then I waited for it to start back up but it didn’t. I think it was a 5.0 magnitude. Sometimes earthquakes are a rolling feeling and other times they’re like a back-and-forth shaking. This was a rolling one but it only seemed to last 10 seconds. Just enough for my heart start pounding. I always turn on the news to see what the magnitude was. To me, the higher the number the better because maybe the big one won’t be so bad. What am I saying? I can only hope I’m out of town for that one.

January 12, 2009

The Golden Globes were on last night and I guess I was crazy to try driving to the Century City Shopping Center this afternoon, which is right by the Beverly Hilton Hotel where they were taping the show. Traffic was jammed, with trucks everywhere and people camped out hoping to see the celebs. The show was fun to watch, though, and my favorite moment was seeing Mickey Rourke’s comeback. But what a handsome man he could (and should) have been today.

January 13, 2009

It’s 80 degrees!!!

January 15, 2009

It’s 80 degrees again! I feel so guilty living here when the east coast & mid west are being pummeled with snow. But I have paid my dues, growing up in Canada. I remember when we couldn’t open the front door because it was being held shut by three feet of snow. I did a photo shoot yesterday with my favorite photographer, Charles Bush (also from Canada). I can’t say I enjoy the process of sitting through makeup and hair but Jan Ping did both my makeup and hair and I loved the look. I really like the new pictures, but Charles should get all the credit – I just showed up. Soon l will put some new photos on the website, swapping out some bad hair days for good ones. Five days until Obama!!!

January 19, 2009

How can anyone concentrate with the inauguration coming tomorrow? It’s just so exciting! My assistant, Damon, and I are taking the morning off to watch history happen on TV. I’ve tried to imagine how Michelle Obama must feel and could she ever have imagined as a child that she might one day be our first lady. Even I never thought this day would ever come. From slavery to the presidency! It’s just fantastic!

January 20, 2009

OH HAPPY DAY!!! President Barack Obama! I cried from emotion seeing the millions of people on the mall in Washington who came there to be a part of our history. I cried from joy watching the helicopter take George Bush away. I wish I could bake some cookies and send them to the White House as a way to say, “Welcome, Mr. President. We are all so glad you’re here!”

January 22, 2009

Another earthquake. It was the shortest one I can remember, just one jolt and then nothing. I’m hoping that was all. The news always reports it and this was a 3.1. It felt more like a truck ran into the house. It made me anxious so I baked some Chocolate-Almond Biscotti.
CONGRATULATIONS to Robert Avedissian on the birth of his first child this afternoon. Robert is my website developer/designer and Ruby Grace was born today to Robert and his wife Heather.

January 24, 2009

Denis and I went to Beverly Hills today to look for a special birthday gift for someone. I always wear my diamond ring when I go to Beverly Hills so I fit in better. We looked in the froufrou stores but the perfect gift was at Crate & Barrel there for $19.95. I added my Chocolate Pudding recipe to the recipe page. It’s too good not to share. Is it just me or do people seem generally happier now that Barack is in office? The economy has tanked, businesses are closing, homes foreclosed, jobs lost, but the troops are here! Finally, there is hope.

January 27, 2009

There’s a new mystery photo on my photography page, and a couple of new photos of me from my recent shoot also on the site. They were retouched but not too much. Denis thinks he saw Dr. Phil pulled over and getting a ticket this morning in Hollywood. The last celebrity I saw was Britney at Starbucks. I need to get out more.

January 29, 2009

Today was my business manager’s 50th birthday so I went to his office to be part of a surprise party. The entire staff of around 25 people were clanging and banging noisemakers and drums when he walked in. He was wearing a nice tie and sports jacket with a Jack-in-the-Box head, you know the huge white ball with a pointy hat? Now that was funny! We sang Happy Birthday and they asked me to sing a special version of Billy Joel’s “I love you just the way you are.” It’s rare to see someone so truly loved by his staff (and by me). Then I went to get a smog check on my car. It was a tiny garage and the only waiting chair was about three feet away from my back tires which were spinning at around 50 miles per hour. But it was quick and my car passed. For dinner I made salad, salmon patties, spaghetti with greens and jello made with Acai berry juice for dessert, which has tons of antioxidants. It’s just the juice and unflavored gelatin if anybody wants to try it. I can’t wait to see who this woman is with the eight babies. No husband. Fourteen kids. Guess who’s going to pay…..

February 2, 2009

I’m not even a football fan but I watched the Super Bowl because I wanted the underdog to win, and they almost did. And Jennifer Hudson? Could anyone have sung the national anthem better? I doubt it – she was awesome! Went walking in Balboa park on Saturday and took pictures of ducks. One was chasing another one and then stood up in the water as if to say, “Back off that duck, Dude. She’s mine!” Here he is.

February 5, 2009

It’s pouring rain! Outside and in. There’s a leak in the kitchen coming from a beam, actually about 5 leaks from the beam, and another one in the living room. The roofer has ignored my calls so I’ve called a leak expert. But he won’t come until it stops raining. I don’t get that. So when he gets here and asks where the leak was, I’ll say, “You should have been here when it was raining.” It’s a good night to stay home and bake cookies… my Kitchen Sink Cookies. They are really good – and the recipe is on this site.

February 9, 2009

Still raining. I watched the Grammys last night and loved Stevie Wonder with the Jonas Brothers, who it turns out, actually have talent. I thought they were just pretty boys but to me, that was the best thing in the show. Or it might have been the Four Tops tribute with Smokey and Jamie Foxx…. or wait, I loved Robin Thick and Lil Wayne. Is it just me or is something still wrong with Whitney Houston? Watching Smokey Robinson brought back memories of when I opened for him in Atlantic City. I loved hearing him sing live every show but he never got there on time. Every show I would get a cue from the curtain to stretch because Smokey wasn’t there yet. One night I got so many cues, I ran out of material and had to finish. Then the band just vamped until he got there. But when he sang…well nobody sounds like Smokey.

February 10, 2009

I spent the day shooting some new “How-To” videos for this website. My assistant Damon worked the camera and lights and it was really fun. They’ll be posted soon. I was a little tired because I stayed up late last night watching yet another police chase unfold on our streets. This time it was a white Bentley so I had to see who it was and what happened. The internet was buzzing that it was Chris Brown but it turned out to be a business man who eventually shot himself in the car. It was hard to sleep after that.

February 12, 2009

The whole day was spent working on Jenny’s Heroes so I have no news. So in lieu of news, here’s what I cooked (and ate) today… Breakfast: whole grain toast with a hard-boiled egg, fresh papaya & green tea. Lunch: 1/2 a quesedilla and one of my homemade biscotti with milk, then white tea. Dinner: salad, beef stew with potatoes, carrots, celery & broccoli & vanilla pudding for dessert. Everything was homemade from scratch, healthy and delicious. Oh, one more thing – gophers are taking over my back yard.

February 13, 2009

Tonight was spent at a birthday celebration for Denis’s niece at Benihana. It’s always fun to go there but don’t be fooled that it’s healthy food. It almost is, until they toss a giant wad of butter on… oh, let’s see… everything! On the zucchini & onions, on the fried rice, on my chicken & steak. So the only way to go there is with a big enough group for your own table, and ask for much smaller wads of that yellow stuff.

February 14, 2009

This was big day for my housekeeper, who is buying her first home. I went to the inspection today and it passed with no major problems. I got a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates from Denis for Valentine’s Day. I baked him cinnamon rolls for breakfast – that was my gift. There are some new How-To videos posted in the Videos section.

February 16, 2009

Denis and I went to the zoo yesterday and of course, I took my camera. I’ll post a few new animal photos this week. It’s pouring rain again and I’ve got buckets on the floor for all the leaks. But I do have a leak-fixer guy coming next week.

February 19, 2009

My housekeeper is buying a house and I’ve been helping her with paperwork and it’s been consuming both of us all week. Neither one of us has been grocery shopping, so I have no eggs, milk, or lettuce. Yes, as long as I have eggs, milk, and lettuce, I can have breakfast, make salads, and get some of my frozen leftovers out for dinner. But good news, the sun is out! No more rain. Oops, the realtor is on the phone… gotta go.

February 21, 2009

The Academy Awards are always news, but they are huge news when you live in L.A. They’ve been covering the preparations all week on the news and this afternoon I drove down Beverly Glen Boulevard and saw at least 30 valet parking guys, maybe more, and about a mile of cones along this canyon road. This had to be an Oscar party. And in case anyone wants to book a limo for a wedding or a night out this weekend, forget it. They’re all booked. Hollywood Boulevard has been closed all week and I’m waiting for tonight’s breaking news to tell us if it’s going to rain on the red carpet. I love it! I can’t wait for the show. I’m getting my snacks ready: pop corn for sure, grapes, and maybe some chocolate.

February 24, 2009

I thought the Oscars telecast was really good and it’s always great to see the little guy (Slum Dog Millionaire) win. Too bad Mickey Rourke didn’t win, though – I was looking forward to his acceptance speech. But he’s back anyway. I have no news. I did my nails today while at my desk. Tomorrow I’m going to a new gynecologist – a man this time. Maybe he’ll notice my nice manicure and not stare elsewhere too long.

February 28, 2009

A good part of the week was spent helping my housekeeper (Antonia) of 6 years buy a house. When she gets her keys in 9 days, she will be the second woman in her family to own her own home. I am so proud of what she has accomplished, having come from a meager existence in El Salvador. She has worked all her life and saved money and is now able to fulfil her American dream. I’ve been following the octuplet mom with a sort of fascination/disbelief/sadness/frustration/hopelessness. To me it really is a no-win situation. Truly, nobody can win here. Not the new babies, the current children, the grandmom, the grandfather, or the taxpayers. Even the in vitro doctor will lose, but that’s probably a good thing. We can all only wait and see what the health status will be of the 8 babies, but no one expects all eight to be free of health problems. I’ve had enough of seeing this mother’s gargantuan lips, but something tells me we will be seeing more of them flapping, for years to come, probably in a reality TV show. Too bad there are no do-overs in real life.

March 2, 2009

I had to reschedule my new gynecologist for tomorrow. I will report back. It just occurred to me that I will probably never wear panty hose again.

March 4, 2009

Thank God he wasn’t too good looking – the new gynecologist. Before my exam I realized that he does this all day. Seeing another vagina for him is like a mechanic looking at another transmission, isn’t it? Once I accepted that in my head, it wasn’t that different from the female doctor. He kept his speculum in the freezer too. We’re still in home-buyer hell with the housekeeper’s house which closes on Monday. It’s either problems with the loan or the seller isn’t fulfilling his obligations. Antonia and I will both be glad when this is all over and she gets her keys. I’m suggesting she take one of her vacation weeks to get moved in. I went to the mall last night. What is that smell at Restoration Hardware?

March 6, 2009

Yikes! There was a bobcat in my back yard! It was at dusk and Denis and I went outside to check on a gate and I saw this cat. “Oh, I wonder if a neighbor is looking for this cat,” I said as I headed towards her to see if she was friendly. I thought she looked kind of big but I was going to help find her owner. “That’s a bobcat!” said Denis. “No,” I said, “it’s just a big cat!” But then the shape was a little off, and as I got closer it was big and kind of square-looking. She just looked at me and I realized that Denis was right. I only panicked for a moment, then stopped walking. Just then, she turned and ran up the back hill into some bushes. I raced inside to get my camera but it was too dark and she was gone. Add that to my other list of visitors: coyotes, deer, raccoons, red-tailed hawks, turkey buzzards, pheasants, and rattlesnakes. And I live in Beverly Hills!

March 8, 2009

I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond in Studio City looking for a pillow and had an unexpected star sighting – Katherine Morris, the blond actor from Cold Case was there shopping. She is so tiny. I didn’t get my pillow. A hundred dollars for a goose down king? I’ll wait for my 20% off coupon that always comes in the mail. Even then, it’s still too much so I don’t know. There was a huge hawk in my tree today. Maybe he was looking for my bobcat…

March 11, 2009

Denis’s nephew and boyfriend came for dinner last night and I made meatloaf, mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli and sweet potato chocolate cake for dessert. I do make the best meat loaf ever – it’s in my cookbook. We had fun and played Sorry afterwards. And today, I decided to stake out the bobcat area so I’m going out at dusk with my camera and try to get a picture. I’ve decided to shift my anger at Octomom to Rihanna. I loved her music but can no longer be a fan when she is sending a horrible message to young girls everywhere by not filing charges and worse than that, getting back together. I have to believe that everyone around her is advising her otherwise. When you think of it, she has a lot in common with Nadya Suleman – it’s all about what she wants and not what’s best for the babies/impressionable young girls. And another thing: (am I ranting?) I keep remembering those French-manicured talons on Nadya when she touched the babies and assumed I paid for those too. Well it turns out they can be harmful around preemies since germs can get trapped underneath them and she’s been advised to have them removed. But what’s more important – the safety of the preemies or big nails to balance out those big lips? I expect the talons will triumph.

March 15, 2009

I never saw the bobcat again but I heard he was in my next door neighbor’s yard, right by the pool. In the afternoon! Denis and I went to Santa Monica today for some shopping and we were just 3 blocks from the ocean. It was exciting to see the water and I realized that we never just go to the beach. It’s only a 1/2 hour so now I’m planning a bike ride along the Venice bike path, as soon as it warms up. When I was growing up, we went to the beach all the time in the summer – it was actually Lake Erie but it was an ocean to me. We had peanut butter sandwiches and went swimming and got blistering sun burns. There was no SPF back in the 50’s – only TBO (turkey basting oil). So all we did was roast our skin until it was golden-brown, just like my Thanksgiving turkey. Now, if they made SPF 200, I would use it! As for my shopping, I bought a ladybug spatula at Williams Sonoma and candles on sale at Shabby Chic which is going out of business.

March 17, 2009

My housekeeper, Antonia, signed her escrow papers today. It’s an exciting day for her and tomorrow she gets her keys and will finally believe the house is hers. We’re going to celebrate with her favorite pizza.

March 18, 2009

Antonia got the keys to her new house today! I decorated her work area with balloons and banners. I’ve never seen her so excited.

March 19, 2009

While flipping channels today I saw a TV commercial for some product promoting free financing and they spelled it “FINACING.” I couldn’t let it go so I called the toll-free number. “I’m just calling to let you know you have a huge typo in your commercial,” I said, expecting them to say, “…and your point is…?” But she said, “I know, we’ve had tons of calls and we’ re trying to get it fixed.” It did my heart good to know I wasn’t the only one driven crazy by the massive amount of typos I see on a daily basis. The misuse of the word “its” is the worst. I don’t see any problem with having a penalty system for typos when you’re in the profession of writing ads or TV chyrons. Fifty bucks a word. Not a problem. A reduced paycheck might be just enough incentive to get them to do their job. Here’s a test: The following sentence has six mistakes. Can you spot them? “How is a person supposed to pick their favorite song in this game when its not playing loud enough for every women to hear and theres not even enough time to play the game in.”

March 22, 2009

Happy Birthday to my sister in Canada!

March 23, 2009

On Saturday night Denis and I went to a fund raiser in Van Nuys at a school where I donated money to buy musical instruments. It was fun to see all the shiny new horns and drums, and those kids put on a really good show. Sunday was pancakes for breakfast, shopping for a new fax machine, oh and I heard that the E! channel ran a True Hollywood Story about me.

March 25, 2009

So the painter guy came today because well… it’s time. By the way, if you ever decide to paint over knotty pine walls, the ONLY thing that will prevent the knots from eventually showing through is shellac. It’s the ONLY thing. But the last painters skipped that class in Painting 101. So now, there are knots in almost every room. And the outside of the house has lots of wood paneling so, long story short: it’s a 2-week job. Wednesday is Denis’s night out with the boys so I made pizza for myself. I got one of those pizza pans with the holes in it and it makes great pizza!

March 30, 2009

What a beautiful weekend in So-Cal. Eighty degrees on Saturday. So I decided to set aside a little area for an organic vegetable garden. My gardener said he’d prepare the area this week and I can start planting. Tomatoes for sure, and cucumbers, lettuce, peas, and carrots. Then around 7:00 p.m. I walked outside to check out my planned space and guess what I saw? I rabbit! I big fat giant rabbit! Wait a minute? Don’t they eat carrots? And lettuce? What does that mean for my garden? Rabbits eat vegetables. Maybe there won’t be anything to worry about because don’t bobcats eat rabbits? Sad, but it’s my own back yard circle of life… or is that circle of death? I know it’s sad but… dead rabbit = organic carrots. I don’t have a problem with that.

April 1, 2009

I went for a teeth cleaning yesterday and got a verbal gold star from the dentist. That’s probably because I floss every single day. I’m afraid not to. I’ve had gum disease (due to past ignorance) and now they say bacteria around your teeth can contribute to heart disease. It’s a 2-minute insurance policy. So now I expect to live a long life, and I won’t have to live on pudding.

April 5, 2009

A lot has happened in the past few days. My housekeeper moved into her new house! She slept there for the first time Friday night. After living in Chicago for 12 years, I have two of almost everything so between my extras and her family doing all the fix-up work, she hardly spent anything at all and was able to buy the one thing she needed – a new fridge. There’s more exciting news: I got a letter from AARP with as membership card. I needed that about as much as I needed the senior discount at El Pollo Loco (without being carded). We had the leak fixed in the roof (I think) but we won’t really know if it’s fixed until it rains again and that won’t be for eight months. I think Danny Gokey is the best singer on American Idol.

April 6, 2009

I received some shocking news today. Judi Hoffman, a fantastic psychic who was a frequent and wildly popular guest on my talk show, is gravely ill. She has throat cancer and the prognosis is not good. She was loved by the staff and whenever she was on the show, there was never enough time for all the people who wanted her insight. I’m so sad to hear this. There’s more information on Judi’s website (www.judihoffman.com).

April 8, 2009

Star Sighting: I was walking in Beverly Hills yesterday and Charlie Sheen drove by in a black Mercedes.

Easter Sunday

Happy Easter! Denis and I are watching a 4-hour mini series on the life of Jesus. Now I’m feeling a little guilty for not going to church today. Somehow, I feel like Mother Superior is frowning on me from afar. Where would I be today if I had followed my original dream? I wanted to be a nun.

April 15, 2009

I just posted a new letter in the advice column for Jes. If anyone disagrees with my advice, I’d love to hear from you and share other opinions there for Jes to read. Meantime, I will try to add letters more often but each letter takes me a long time as I think things through before giving my 2-cents worth. And there are never enough hours in the day for me. Is it just me or does American Idol seem like it’s 4 hours long? I have to pack a lunch. I hope it’s Danny Gokey or Matt Giraud.

April 18, 2009

So Denis and I were sitting outside having a cup of green tea this afternoon and another bobcat showed up on our back hill. It was 2:00 in the afternoon! What a shock! They’re supposed to be nocturnal and the last one I saw was in the evening. Now I’m a little nervous to walk around in the yard. I could call Animal Control but what can they do? What kind of bait would they use? I suppose a rabbit could eat my tomatoes and then the bobcat would eat the rabbit. I’m willing to sacrifice my tomato plants for a safe back yard. After all the excitement, we went to Best Buy for an audio cable and the nursery looking for mulch.

April 24, 2009

Denis and I are flying to Chicago today and I am so scared. I had a horrific flight a few months ago and swore I would never fly again. But it’s either 4 days by car or 4 hours by plane. So I’m going to have a couple of beers and I’ll be ready to board. We were supposed to go tomorrow but we’re trying to beat the storm by going tonight. Since I don’t drink, two beers should do it.

April 27, 2009

How was my flight, you ask? Well, I booked a private plane because the big ones terrify me. This way I can see the pilots and talk to them if I get scared. Denis and I were scheduled to leave out of Van Nuys Airport on Saturday but there was a storm coming in to Chicago and we could beat the storm by flying out Friday night. So we rescheduled for 7 p.m. Friday. At 5 p.m. they called to say our incoming plane was having a problem and they landed it at LAX to get fixed, but there was another plane at LAX they could fly up to Van Nuys (a 40-minute drive) and we could leave at 7:45. Now there was even more time for me to get nervous. No one said what the problem was. We drove to Van Nuys, parked the car, and boarded at 7:45. I started drinking beer to calm down. We had the nicest flight team, Ben and Dwight, who assured me everything would be fine and not to be nervous. The engines fired up but the computer wouldn’t work so they had to “re-boot” by shutting down the plane, wait, then re-start. The computer came on but now the right engine had a problem. So did I. I started on my 2nd beer and I don’t drink. We quickly learned that this plane was not going anywhere. Now my options were to leave the next day, during a severe storm, or the original plane at LAX was now fixed if we wanted to drive to LAX. I didn’t even care what they fixed, as long as I could beat the storm. Crazy glue the wing back on and let’s go!! We had a car and offered Ben, our pilot & Dwight, the co-pilot a ride. We unloaded our luggage, our catering, their luggage and catering, loaded up the car and headed for LAX. It was 9 p.m.. Ben said they have never driven with their passengers to another plane before, but it was the fastest way to get there. We finally took off close to 10 p.m. and still flew close to the storm – there was lightening outside the window. We arrived at 3 a.m. Chicago time. Late? Yes. But we beat the storm! The next morning, we had thunder, lightening, wind, and hail, so flying in that would have required a 6-pack.

May 1, 2009

I’m still in Chicago and it’s still raining. I’m finally selling a house I’ve kept here since my show ended, but it’s too far away from L.A. and too hard to maintain, so Denis and I have been packing boxes since we got here. We’re flying back on Tuesday and I’m already stressed about the flight. It’s hard to believe that at one time, I thought about becoming a stewardess. That’s what they were called before the new p.c. term, “flight attendants.” So my options at the time were: 1) a nun 2) a stewardess 3) a rock & roll drummer. Looks like I made the right choice.

May 7, 2009

It’s so good to be home. The flight back was bumpy and I really don’t ever want to fly again. I missed the earthquake last week but the fires in Santa Barbara are still out of control today. I guess no matter how much money you have, everything can be gone in minutes. Denis and I went to see the new Wolverine movie and a group of people brought in 3 young children, around 2 to 4 years old. They sat close to the screen and let the theater become a playground for the kids. They ran around the seats, played tag, yelling to each other, too young to realize the disturbance they were causing. This happened for the entire movie. No one said anything, no one complained to the management, no one asked them to leave. I’ve never seen anything like it. There were some moments of dialogue in the film that we couldn’t hear over the children, but their parents were oblivious. Once the lights came on, it turned out they were Hispanic and seemed like nice people. I guess they just didn’t know the rules. Tomorrow I’ll start catching up on a long string of emails.

May 10, 2009

It’s Mother’s Day and I wish I had some happy memories of my mother but I don’t. There was nothing I could do to make her happy. But speaking of mothers, I was treated this morning to a mother/daughter sighting in my back yard. Take a look.

May 14, 2009

Danny Gokey voted off?? How did that happen? He was my favorite! It’s just possible that his fans will now vote for that guy Kris-something and he could win American Idol. And that would be wrong. They just voted for his playing the guitar. I wonder if that’s how people felt when I won Star Search in 1985… (“She’s not that funny – they’re just voting for her mini-dress.”) Oh well, Danny will have a career anyway and I’ll buy his songs. My friend of over 40 years, Terri, came by on Tuesday and we hung out, then went for Mexican food. Then last night, Denis and I went to Daily Grill for a hamburger. The burger was great but the sides were not, so when the manager came by and asked, “How is everything?” I said, “Do you really want to know?” He said he did so I said the grilled onions were burnt and the fried were cold (I wouldn’t eat them anyway) so he took the burger off the bill. I said that wasn’t necessary because the burger was very good but he insisted. As soon as he walked away, I took a bite and chipped my tooth. I never did find what I bit into (probably a good thing) but my dental bill and likely new crown will cost a little more than the burger.

May 15, 2009

I just got the best piece of equipment ever. It lets me make DVD copies of VHS tapes and I have boxes and boxes of video tapes. I’ve already thrown out two big bags of videos and replaced them with a small stack of DVDs. And I’m finding some great old footage from the 80s that I’ll be adding to the website soon.

May 17, 2009

We just had a 5.0 earthquake (again). I had just walked upstairs and didn’t feel it but Denis was downstairs and said it was pretty strong and lasted about 10 seconds. It was centered in the Hawthorne area so that’s quite a ways from here. We always turn on the news to see where it was centered. I hope that’s all there is. Last night, we went to see Ain’t Misbehavin’ at the Ahmanson Theater, all about the music of Fats Waller. One black guy stormed out during a song called “Fat & Greasy” saying her was offended and “Why do we have to go back to the 1940s?” I suppose it touched a sensitive nerve for him, but the rest of the audience enjoyed and understood the show.

May 19, 2009

Another earthquake – I don’t like that. It was a 4.0 and that’s as big as I ever want them to be. Painters are here this week redoing the crappy paint job previously done. I watched American Idol and I’m pretty sure Adam has to win. I felt bad for Kris having to follow Adam and sing the same song that Adam just nailed. That would be like me doing standup having to follow Robin Williams – what’s the point? I made mac & cheese for dinner, then went to the mall but I found it depressing because no one was there shopping, all the sales clerks were just standing around, and it made me sad for everyone hurting financially.

May 21, 2009

What a spectacular show they put on for the Idol finals. Loved Black Eyed Peas! Loved Carlos Santana! Loved Kiss! Loved Adam! The wrong guy won. He knows it and we know it.

May 24, 2009

I’m done with being a blonde. I’ve decided to go back to my own color (which I haven’t seen in decades) and maybe get a few highlights. I’m doing it on Tuesday. I’ll take a picture and post it. It’s a little scary since blonde has been part of my identity, but I’m ready for this… I think. Denis and I went to the butterfly pavillion here in L.A. so I could take pictures. It’s a small area but the butterflies fly all around you and even land on your shoulder or head. Here’s one of the photos.

May 25, 2009

It’s Memorial Day and this day always reminds me of my dad who served in the Polish army during the second world war. It was a beautiful day so I went to Sepulveda Dam with my camera and found this bird flying over the water. Later on I made my “fall-off-the-bone” bbq ribs for dinner.

May 28, 2009

Well, my hair is darker now and I’m still adjusting. But I think I like it. Denis hasn’t said a word, probably because he can’t think of anything good to say. What can I say – they all like blondes. I’ve added some new vintage videos to the site, including my big win on Star Search in 1986. Yesterday, my assistant, Damon, and I had lunch with our website developers, Robert & Danny. We went to El Torito Grill and had a great time. Tonight, I’m making homemade gnocchi for dinner. It takes some work but it’s so worth it.

June 1st, 2009

Yesterday, I went to see my housekeeper’s house that she just bought. It’s so cozy and she fixed it up really well. It was fun to see different things I’ve given her over the years, all being used in her decorating, like dolls, picture frames, even a cannister set I gave her 6 years ago. I’m so proud of her coming to this country from El Salvador with nothing and now she’s a homeowner. And I got some really good news this morning. My insurance company is reimbursing me the money I lost with the Madoff investment scheme (yes, me too). I didn’t realize I was covered for fraud so it came as a huge surprise today.

June 2nd, 2009

Remember when I chipped my tooth eating a hamburger at the Daily Grill? (May 14th) Well I went to the dentist today and he filled the missing part, telling me it’s a 50-50 shot that it will hold. Otherwise, I will need a crown, so I’ll try not to eat on that side too much, or don’t get any more burgers at the Daily Grill. When I was leaving the medical building in Santa Monica, there was a squirrel on the sidewalk just looking at me. So I stopped to talk to him and he came right up to me, even less afraid than a dog. I set down my purse to look for some walnuts I usually carry, and he climbed right up on my purse. So I pulled a walnut out and he ate it, right on my purse. People started gathering around because this little guy was fearless. I kept saying, I wish I had my camera,” and then I remembered that my Blackberry has a camera. So I snapped this photo.

June 7, 2009

It’s my birthday so I deserve a special treat and I got one. I picked and ate the first organic apple off my apple tree. You can’t buy apples that crisp and delicious anywhere. Denis is taking me out to dinner tonight and two nights ago, we went to the Greek Theater to see Prairie Home Companion. The best part was their special guest, k.d. lang. I got to hear her sing live and it was pure magic. Her voice is so clear and pure and I can’t think of anyone in the world who sings with such passion. She was mesmerizing. Oh, and we also went to see Up at the movies and I got a senior discount! Sweet! It was at the Arclight Theater where tickets are normally 12 to 14 dollars. We went for 10 bucks each reserved seats! More popcorn money!

June 9, 2009

I’ve decided to do another cookbook. I have so many more recipes that I want to share and I know my first book encouraged people to eat healthier food. It’s very hard to eat healthy food when eating out every day, even if it’s fine dining. Those meals are often just as bad for you as fast food. I cook pretty much every day. Last night I made grilled pork loin, roasted green beans and potatoes with chocolate pudding for dessert. Tonight I’m making salad, pork fried rice and oatmeal cookies for dessert. Now I just need a year to put the book together, and a title.

June 12, 2009

I found boxes of my autobiography in storage so I’m offering them for free to anyone who sends me an addressed, stamped padded envelope. I put a link on the home page. The birds are going crazy in my back yard either building nests or having babies. One of the nests is inside a rose bush and I took the 3 babies’ photo as they napped. Here it is.

June 14, 2009

The Lakers did it! They won the NBA title! Kobe is unbelievable!

June 17, 2009

Something’s been eating my plumbago. It has pretty blue flowers and I just planted it. So I walked out the back door to see if it’s all gone and guess who I saw, defiantly sticking out her tongue at me with the telltale evidence right there on her chin? She’s back.

June 22, 2009

I’m very sad to report that psychic Judi Hoffman, a regular guest of my show and also a friend, has passed away. All of the staff was excited every time she was scheduled to appear. Her awesome energy was felt by everyone and I’m so sad that we lost her. She was one-of-a-kind and there will never be anyone like her again. Good bye, Judi.

June 24, 2009

Now that it’s officially summer, I switched from my winter handbag to my summer one today. That’s all I have – any more bags are too much trouble. I also take this opportunity to refresh my makeup bag, throwing away the old Ziploc One Quart Freezer bag and getting a new one out of the kitchen. Feel free to steal my idea. It’s see-thru and sturdy and lasts all season without tearing. I’ve already started on my next cookbook, compiling the recipes and trying out some new ones. My chocolate pudding is going in for sure.

June 25, 2009

First, Ed McMahon, he was Johnny’s sidekick
When I heard he died, I was sad and heartsick.
Then it was Farrah’s time to go
We knew it was coming but tears still flow.
But Michael – too young, too soon, so surreal
May loved ones find a way for broken hearts to heal.

June 30, 2009

It’s hot! I got out my summer pajamas….. hey, a moth just flew right into my face….. where was I? Oh yes, my summer pajamas. And I’m making lots of iced tea and eating lots of watermelon. That’s my favorite summer treat, especially the seedless ones. I can eat a whole one in two days. My plum tree is full of plums and my apple tree is loaded too. We got one of those long fruit-picker poles to get the upper fruit. And my tomatoes are turning red this week. Even though I’m not working, I never have enough time. I’m behind on my emails, trying to work on the new cookbook, and haven’t exercised yet this week. It’s too hot to walk. That’s not a good excuse, I know.

July 5, 2009

My former assistant at the talk show came to visit. Dana arrived this morning with her husband and daughter. Her marriage, and pregnancy, was the reason she left the show. I was at the hospital when her daughter was born and now she’s ten years old. We all went for Sunday brunch, then hung out by the pool, drank tea, and later on we drove to Beverly Hills and walked down Rodeo Drive. The weather was spectacular – an improvement for sure from Missouri. It was great to see Dana again. We talked about all the old staff members and what they’re doing today. I wish she lived closer, but they are staying for a week. And yesterday was the 4th and I forgot to go out for fireworks. Forgot! Denis and I were going to drive up to Mulholland but I started baking and he was watching a movie and the next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m. Oh well, we saw it on TV.

July 8, 2009

What a great time we’re having with Dana in L.A. this week. Yesterday, the family went to a taping of the Price is Right, got backstage at the Young and the Restless, met some of the stars, shopped at the Grove, and ate at Farmer’s Market. We also tried to see Michael Jackson’s star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame but we couldn’t get near it. Dana also took her daughter to a place called Dance Heads at Universal Studios where they create fun dance videos using your face. Dana’s 10-year-old daughter, Hannah, made a hilarious video to the song “Whoomp, There It Is” and I just had to share it here.

Click the image to see video

July 13, 2009

It’s Denis’s birthday today so we went out for Italian dinner and then back home for my homemade birthday cake. I made a double layer chocolate cake from scratch. lt contains no butter or eggs and is delicious! It’s definitely going in the next cookbook. Well, Dana is gone. They left on Saturday and the week went so quickly. While they were here, my tomatoes all turned red so we picked and ate lots of tomatoes. And the apples on my tree are all turning red. And the three baby birds in the nest that was built in our patio lamp all left the nest. The last one flew out yesterday.

July 16, 2009 (photos not for the squeamish)

The gardener was here today and called me to come outside. “Bring your camera!” he said, so I assumed there was another deer in the back yard. Not the case. He was holding a week-old rattlesnake that didn’t even have fangs yet. The gardener was playing with it on his rake but the snake was moving slowly and not trying very hard to get away. Of course I took photos of the Snake-On-A-Rake. Finally, Jesus (my gardener) set it down on the ground and it started writhing and finally regurgitated a lizard! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It took about a minute and this lizard came out of its mouth – tail first – a full grown lizard and it was bigger than the snake! This lizard was either slow or just an Unlucky Lizard. Then the snake took off and with its lightened load, it could move faster. Jesus had to chase after it to kill it, otherwise, it would grow and be hiding in my tomatoes next week.

July 20, 2009

This is the first time in my life I have grown real food. I’ve been eating peaches, apples, and so many tomatoes. I have cherry tomatoes, big ones, and the little yellow grape tomatoes, and the varmints didn’t steal any. These are new additions to my meyer lemon, orange, grapefruit, lime, and plum trees. I’m waiting for my two newer trees (avocado and pomegranate) to produce something soon. I was always on the road or commuting between Chicago and L.A. to have a real garden. I’m also growing parsley and basil for my cooking. I had so many tomatoes, I made the roasted tomato soup from my cookbook and it was unbelievable. Too bad store bought tomatoes don’t taste like that. It’s so hot here in L.A.! It’s been around 100 degrees for days now. Hot and dry means fire season – and there’s one burning right now but not close to me. Today I went to the beauty supply, drug store, and Whole Foods.

July 26, 2009

It’s still “hotter than Hades” here in L.A. so Denis and I drove to Santa Monica today where it’s usually 20 degrees cooler. He had lunch at Babalu and they make these gigantic pies and cakes but we didn’t have room after our burgers. It’s a hole in the wall but good food. I saw their chocolate pecan pie and decided I had to put mine in my next cookbook. I’ve been working on new recipes and asked my sister, an excellent cook, to contribute one of her recipes and she will. There are some new photos on the site, some of my beautiful home which I remodeled and decorated on my own, and some new “Mystery Photos” too. I’m due for my 2nd colonoscopy next month. You’ll read all about that.

July 28, 2009

In my July 8th diary entry, I added a cute video of 10-year-old Hannah doing “Dance Heads” but some people were not able to view it so we fixed the problem. If you missed it, scroll down to July 8th and click it again.

July 29, 2009

There was another rattlesnake in my front yard today. Another one! It was just outside the front door and the gardener almost picked it up when he was clearing away leaves. Tomorrow I’m going to see if there’s a snake-buster or some way to eliminate them. I’ve been working on my cookbook recipes and am trying to decide what kind of cupcake to include – I’m thinking maybe lemon-coconut.

Aug. 2nd, 2009

It’s August already! It turns out there’s not much I can do about the rattlesnakes. I was told the fire department will come out and kill them but trapping them is a bit tricky, especially with so many lizards running around. But I also learned that a rattlesnake bite does not always lead to death. Is that supposed to make me feel better? It does. So I was at the grocery store today and this woman was shopping and on her cell phone, talking so loud I could hear her three aisles over. I kept trying to avoid her but the store was only so big. What is wrong with everybody? This was not a phone call about her grocery list, it was a personal (and lengthy) call about her dog, the weekend, work, family, blah, blah, blah…. First of all, we have the technology that no longer requires yelling into the phone to be heard across town, although this woman might have been heard across town without the phone. Lady, you don’t have to talk so loud on your cell phone, and you don’t need to subject your fellow citizens to the annoying and mind-numbing details of your personal life. It’s like second hand smoke. Take it outside! I hope the day comes when we see “No Cell Phones” signs in grocery stores, restaurants, and any place else I shop. I would make it a misdemeanor with a fine of $150. That’s right. The “Pain-in-the-Ass Police” (PITA) would give you a Pita ticket and the money would go to struggling families who have no phone at all. Whew, I feel better now.

Aug. 5th, 2009

Well, I’m feeling better today. I could vent again about the guy who went around me to make a left turn because I wasn’t moving fast enough for him… but I won’t. Instead I will focus on all things good. I’m still eating tomatoes and apples that I grew and it looks like my pomegranate tree will produce three pomegranates this fall. There were more but I think the deer got them. I got my car serviced. I needed an oil change but then they said I needed front brakes. I know now that they work on commission but I was afraid not to get the brakes so I agreed. And new brake fluid. And new wiper blades. And wheel alignment. Long story short – $678.00

Aug. 6th, 2009

I saw Jay Leno today driving along Mulholland. He was in a gorgeous white convertible with his white hair blowing in the breeze. It’s the fourth time I’ve seen him driving in the area, always in a different car. This one looked a vintage classic, maybe a Jaguar, definitely from his collection. You can’t miss him when he tools down the street. He’s like a rolling ambassador of show business, strutting his ride, a one-man parade. He was always kind to me when I was a struggling comedian and I’m happy for his enormous success.

Aug. 8th, 2009

Another celebrity sighting today! I saw Jane Lynch at the Grove. She’s one of my favorite actors, especially when she played the store manager in Forty Year Old Virgin. Last night, Denis’s nephew, Ryan, came over and I made salad, Mac ‘n’ Cheese, broccoli, and chocolate cake for dessert. After dinner we had our usual Sorry playoff and I beat him 3 games in a row. He just got all the bad cards. I’ve been working on my next cookbook and loving it. I don’t know why I love cooking so much, maybe it’s because the reward is immediate. You create it and then you eat it. Hey, I saw Hallowe’en decorations at a store today. I guess there’s nothing to sell for Labor Day so Hallowe’en is next. Yesterday was “housekeeper appreciation day” so we got pizza delivered for Antonia and she went home after lunch. I remember being a starving comedian, wondering if I’d ever make it and thinking that having a full time housekeeper had to be the ultimate luxury in the world. I tried to imagine what a life like that would be like and I couldn’t even imagine it. And now I have it. Antonia is here all day every day. It’s truly the ultimate luxury and I never forget how lucky I am.

Aug. 12th, 2009

I have great news. The last letter I posted in the Advice Column was to 15-year-old Luke who was in a relationship with a 28-year-old man. I was pretty hard on him and thought he might write to complain that I didn’t support him but I just heard back and he has ended the relationship. Luke, you showed a lot of maturity in making this decision and it was absolutely the right thing to do. I am so proud of you!

Aug. 16th, 2009

It was twenty-five years ago this month that I was arrested at the Newark airport for trying to board an airplane with a gun. They handcuffed me right there in the airport. I was sure they’d let me go once I explained that I needed it for protection being a single woman on the road doing standup comedy, but my excuse didn’t fly. And neither did I – I went to jail. My mug shot is in the Scrapbook section (Pictures with a Story). I can’t believe I used to fly every week for years working the comedy clubs and now I am terrified of flying. I made pickles today.

Aug. 18th, 2009

It’s spider season and I hate it. There was a big one on my bathroom floor on Saturday and then on Sunday, an even bigger one on my bathroom wall. Now if Denis won’t sit there with me, I won’t take a bath at night, only in the morning. The exterminators, yes plural, all tell me that spiders are nocturnal and when we’re asleep is when they come out. I don’t need to know that. Too much information! So I slept in the guest room last night because I don’t see spiders in there, only in my bathroom and in the bedroom. I suppose I don’t see them in the guest room because I never go in there. Oh well, I’m sleeping in there again tonight. In full pajamas with long sleeves. I think one bit me last year.

Aug. 23rd, 2009

I’m spending lots of time in the kitchen working on my recipes. This morning, I made chocolate french toast for breakfast and it’s definitely going in the new cookbook and yes it’s healthy…you’ll see. When I first went outside today, I almost walked right into a giant spiderweb. My face just missed it by inches. My apple tree is done – I just ate the last apple but I still have some tomatoes. Painters are coming tomorrow. Every year, some part of the house has to be painted and this time it’s the dormers. I hope they catch that scum bag hiding out in Canada. Girlfriend is found in a dumpster. He disappears. If his rich dad is helping him, I hope they both go to prison forever. Even if he’s not caught, he won’t be living the good life any more, wherever he is.

Aug. 29th, 2009

It’s fire season again with several fires burning in the intense heat. It’s over 100 degrees. This time I could see the fire from my upstairs balcony. Here it is around noon today. I don’t know how the firefighters do what they do in the extreme heat with all the stuff they have to wear. I was in an air conditioned car all day and still complaining about the heat. I’m going to bake some cookies tomorrow and take them our local fire station just to say, “Thanks for what you do.” There’s too much bad news going around. People dying, bodies in suitcases, an eleven-year-old girl kidnapped for 18 years! I know how I would punish the abuser who took her. Just put him in a closed, soundproof room with the girl’s stepfather and walk away. I think I’ll avoid the evening news for a few days. On the bright side, I made cinnamon rolls this morning and the recipe is going in my book.

Aug. 30th, 2009

I walked outside this morning and came right back in to get a mask. There was a lot of smoke in the air and my first thought was that there was a new fire close by. I turned on the news and it was the same “Station” fire which is at least 30 miles away but the wind was blowing the smoke in this direction. On the news they asked people to stop calling 9-1-1 about the smoke and that it was not a new fire. By noon the wind had shifted and the air was breathable so I went grocery shopping. It was still over 100 degrees. It’s 8 pm and I just looked out the window and there are flames visible all over the mountains. Here’s the view from home. It’s an uneasy feeling knowing that with this dry heat and no rain for months, a fire can happen anywhere.

Sept. 3rd, 2009

I made lemon cupcakes today and left them to cool on the counter. When I came back there was a big fat fly sitting on top of a cupcake. It grossed me out! Should I swat the cupcake? What if he was on all the cupcakes while I was in the other room? I asked Denis for help and he came in and caught the fly with his bare hand. Wow! What a guy! Just in case, I sliced off all the cupcake tops, frosted them, topped them with coconut, and covered them up after that. It’s still hot and the fires are still burning. Over 150,000 acres burned and now they say it was arson. Maybe there’s some extra room in Bernie Madoff’s cell for this sicko. The smoke and ash has made for some colorful sunsets, though. Here’s a picture I took tonight.

Sept. 10th, 2009

Yesterday I went to Universal Citywalk to have lunch with one of Jenny’s Heroes. It was our newest hero from Bullhead City, Arizona. She drove all the way here with some friends just to say thank you so we all had lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, but today it was 102 in the San Fernando Valley. I was driving today and with the 5-foot pipe that burst under one of the valley’s busiest intersections, traffic was crazy. I decided to stop paying for extra storage so I drove over to the facility, followed by some movers and they brought a truckload of stuff home. This weekend I’ll start opening boxes and who knows what I’ll find?

Sept. 14th, 2009

It was time for my annual gynecological exam last Friday and I got an excellent report. I think the doctors got wise to us with our feet in the stirrups but knees pushing together to delay the inevitable, so now we have knee holders. It still doesn’t make it any easier. I’m reminded of a stupid gyno-exam joke I heard decades ago…
Doctor: “You have a huge vagina. You have a huge vagina.”
Patient: “You didn’t have to say it twice.”
Doctor: “I didn’t.”

Sept. 18th, 2009

Every once in a while, a good deed feels good. I was leaving a parking structure the other day with a “Cash Only” policy and the guy in front of me was appealing to the booth attendant that the ATM was not working and he had no cash. The attendant indicated that it was not his problem and the poor guy didn’t know what to do. So I got out and paid for his parking and mine ($7.50 apiece) and needless to say, the guy was very grateful. He told me he always does good things for other people and it was good karma that someone did something good for him.

Sept. 20th, 2009

My assistant, Damon, and his wife are expecting their first child and the due date was yesterday! Still no word from Damon. My back was bothering me last night and ice always seems to help but I did not have a cold ice pack. However, there was a bag of frozen soy beans in the freezer so I used that instead. It worked great.

Sept. 27th, 2009

It’s a girl! My assistant finally texted me today to say the baby was born last night and she’s perfect. Penelope weighed in at 7 lb. 9 oz.. Damon hasn’t slept much but it’s their first child so I can only imagine the excitement. Congratulations, Damon!! Other than that, we had friends visiting for the weekend so we went to the Griffith Observatory and saw a fantastic show at the Planetarium about our universe. We also drove to the beach for lunch yesterday and saw dolphins swimming and seagulls eating leftovers off the tables.

Sept. 30th, 2009

I went to the dermatologist because my face started getting red and swollen. So now I have photo allergy which seems to be a combination of something I’m putting on my skin and the sun, even though I always wear sunblock. He gave me a prescription cream and said no sun exposure for a month. We were supposed to go on a cruise to Mexico this weekend but that’s been cancelled. What about my morning walks outside? OMG, I may become a mall-walker!

Oct. 4, 2009

Denis and I went to see Crosby, Stills & Nash at the Greek theater last night. I couldn’t believe it but people were getting high right in the audience and nobody seemed bothered by that. It’s an outside venue so the smell went away quickly. And speaking of that, it was a bit cold but no one seemed to mind. It was great to see them in person, even though they are all senior citizens, just like most of the audience. We are heading to Chicago to finalize the sale of our house there – driving. I’m too anxious to fly and don’t mind swapping a 4-hour flight for a 4-day drive. We got UV protection on the car windows and I’ll be using 60 SFP sunblock AND a hat. I’m making sandwiches and taking lots of fruit & healthy snacks for the ride. It’ll be an adventure.

Oct. 6, 2009

Denis and I are on our road trip adventure. Sunday we made it to Flagstaff, Monday to Albuquerque, and today we are aiming for Oklahoma City or further. We took a few fun excursions and I got to see Santa Fe for the first time – really worth the side-trip. More to come on our adventure.

Oct. 8, 2009

We arrived in Chicago last night after stopping in Tulsa Tuesday night. Yesterday was a long day but fun – we had breakfast in Springfield (the capital of Illinois) at Aunt Martha’s Pancake House with Lorna as our waitress. They serve the biggest pancakes I’ve ever seen! We drove through St. Louis and saw the big arch as we crossed the Mississippi. It’s raining today in Chicago but it’s good to be back.

Oct. 13, 2009

I’m freezing in Chicago! It’s a beautiful place to be when the leaves change color, but I slept in pajamas over my pajamas and socks last night. We’re almost done wrapping up the sale of this property and will be heading back to toasty California on Thursday. We’ll be driving back and it’s hard to believe I used to be on the road for a living, as a musician and a comedian. My lifestyle has since changed but I’m not finding any Four Seasons Hotels on route 66. But roughing it is a good thing!

Oct. 15, 2009

We’re on the way home! Yippee! We just left Springfield, IL, and expect to spend the night in Springfield, MO.

Oct. 16, 2009

We had breakfast at Bob Evans in Joplin, Missouri and are heading for Albuquerque tonight. Almost home!

Oct. 18, 2009

We’re back! It’s soooo good to be home. Denis didn’t want to stop overnight last night so we drove from Tucumcari, New Mexico, where we spent the night, all the way to L.A., arriving after midnight. I actually remember a song from 1959 called “Tucumcari” by Jimmie Rodgers. So here’s the 4-1-1 on our road trip. I loved being out in the real world and it quickly reaffirmed that L.A. is not. We went to a bunch of local spots for real food, and saw real people, the ones who probably watched my show… places like Waffle House, Sonic Drive-In, Steak’nShake, and Earl’s Restaurant in Gallup to try Indian Fry Bread. None of it was health food but I tried it all. My favorite was Waffle House which is what you imagine a real American diner would be, with a big griddle and things being cooked in a way I’d rather not see. But it WAS good. I was surprised by all the nice hotels along the way, many of which have small suites with refrigerators and kitchens and they’re not expensive. They almost all have free continental breakfast, wireless internet, and some have workout rooms. The first time we stopped for gas, I went to ask for the key to the rest room since all I’ve ever seen were locked toilets you enter from outside, around the side of the gas station, using a key attached to a giant stick. But it’s not 1969 any more. The rest rooms are all inside now and they’re not locked. And the speed limit in every state is 75! Oh, and we saw the huge meteor crater near Flagstaff that was formed by a giant meteor 50,00 years ago. It’s 4,000 feet across and almost 600 feet deep. There’s so much to see in this country. I highly recommend road trips to expand our knowledge of where we live.

Oct. 19, 2009

I spent all day catching up on emails from the last 2 weeks. I missed my own cooking while we were gone, so I had oatmeal for breakfast, an egg salad sandwich for lunch, and red beans and rice for supper with butterscotch pudding for dessert.

Oct. 20, 2009

I’m sad to report the passing of my long-time director at the Jenny Jones Show. Tom Maguire passed away last month in Palm Springs, California. Tom did a masterful job of directing the show, which taped in Chicago, and was well loved and respected by all the staff. He was easy going, and only made it look easy to command a fast paced show with multiple cameras and a large number of guests. He had movie star looks and a warm personality to boot. Tom was my director for almost the entire 12-year run of the show and I extend my condolences to his wife Jan and to his children.

Oct. 26, 2009

It’s like summer here in L.A. but weird because it’s 80 degrees but the leaves are falling. I planted some lettuce yesterday and it’s still there this morning so maybe the rabbit has moved on. The deer ate my plumbago so I tied some reflective ribbon on it to scare them away, but it’s a little late – the beautiful blue flowers are all gone. My colonoscopy is less than two weeks away.

Nov. 2, 2009

Well, it was finally time to harvest the fruit off my pomegranate tree. Here’s a picture taken before my harvest. What’s the deal? One lonely pomegranate? Oh well, maybe it’ll take another year to get started, but it was a delicious treat!

Nov. 3, 2009

Tomorrow is my colonoscopy day and that means today is… let’s just say it’s challenging. No food. Only clear liquids. And no red ones. I took two laxatives at noon and at 6 pm I start drinking a throat-gagging, movement-inducing liquid concoction. I have to gag down an 8-ounce glass every 10 minutes until my mission is accomplished and I get the all-clear. It’s 5 pm now so I have one hour to mentally prepare for the viscous, but “orange-flavored” treat. I just sampled it and if I don’t throw up, then I guess it will come out the other end.

Nov. 4, 2009

My colon gets an A+. But everything surrounding a colonoscopy is worse than the actual test, which I slept through with a twilight-sleep. The prep is no fun, and I don’t like needles which they did for my anesthesia. The worst part was after I was wheeled into the surgery room and there was my doctor, the nurse who got me ready, the anesthesiologist, and then here comes this cute young guy, “Hi. I’ll be assisting today.” I was in no position to demand a replacement, like maybe an older, matronly woman? But once I was asleep, they all had their way with me and I didn’t care. The important thing is I passed with flying colors and my next one is not due for 5 years.

Nov. 9, 2009

Denis and I went to Santa Monica on Saturday to a store where I buy the only jeans that fit the way I like. Then we had lunch in Beverly Hills at a panini place. I was facing the window and kept seeing the same red Lamborghini drive past. I guess there’s cruising in Beverly Hills too. Then yesterday Denis’ nephew came for dinner. I made short ribs that I cook for 3 hours and after dinner we had our traditional Sorry competition. I beat his pants off… again.

Nov. 11, 2009

It’s Veterans Day and I would like to acknowledge my father who was a veteran of World War II. His war stories used to bore me when I was a kid, but I’d give anything to hear them again, now that I understand how much he gave up. His name was John (Jan in Polish) and here is his photo as a 21-year-old Polish Army recruit in 1936. The braid he wears was awarded for expert marksmanship.


click the image to enlarge

 

Nov. 18, 2009

Lesson learned: Pre-washed lettuce needs to be washed. I don’t care what they say, wash it – twice. I was cutting up some “pre-washed” romaine hearts for my salad and all of a sudden, I see a big bug on the cutting board! Did I mention he was crawling across the cutting board?? Ugh! I thought I would never eat a salad again. I know bugs are out there, but com’on! The lettuce was in the fridge for two days! Just sharing so we can all learn from the traumatic events in my life.

Nov. 19, 2009

I put up my Christmas tree last night.

Nov. 24, 2009

Denis and I are driving to Las Vegas today to spend Thanksgiving with my step mom. We’ll be going out to eat so I will probably miss my own turkey. Oh wait… he’ll be sitting next to me. 🙂 I’m LOL-ing all by myself. Seriously, I have much to be thankful for. (it’s my website and I will end with a preposition if I want to!) Happy Thanksgiving!

Nov. 29, 2009

We are back from Vegas and what an adventure it was. We stayed at the the Four Seasons so I was expecting the best of everything. It was all very good except they starch the sheets! I contemplated bringing my own soft pima cotton 500 thread count sheets but it’s the Four Seasons so I didn’t. Why would anyone starch sheets? To keep them smooth, I guess. The top sheet was so stiff it crinkled every time I moved and the noise woke me up. So the next morning I went to Bed, Bath and bought a new set. I washed them at my step mom’s right away and had them on the bed that night. Much better. We all had a nice Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant and then went to see Phantom of the Opera at the Venetian. The theater and production were fantastic. We also saw the Rat Pack show at the Union Plaza. I lost $21.00 gambling and that was enough living on the edge for me.

Dec. 2, 2009

I’ve got too much stuff so I’m selling some things on Craig’s List. Plus I’ve made about ten drops at the Goodwill. We don’t know everything about Tiger Woods yet but I do know one thing – his life will never be the same. He’ll have this baggage for the rest of his life. And we have one less role model in the world. Too bad.

Dec. 4, 2009

It’s Friday so I decided to beat the rush and go to the mall for about an hour. Well it took me almost that long to find a place to park. It was 11 am! The mall was full of people carrying stuffed shopping bags and we still have 3 weeks until Christmas. That does it. Any other shopping I need to do will be online. I may not even leave the house until 2010. I wonder what Tiger is getting his wife for Christmas…

Dec. 9, 2009

I’ve had it with Keyes Lexus! I took my car in there once for service and now they are downright harassing me to come back. It’s like telemarketing with different people calling every day to say I missed my 7:30 am appointment (which I never made!) and asking if they can reschedule me. I demanded that they stop calling me but they didn’t. So I called the Service Manager two days ago who didn’t really care but he said he’d tell them to stop calling. They called again today (apparently I missed my 7:30 am appointment!). So today I called the General Manager who also didn’t care and said no one has ever complained before. I told him not only would I never come back or buy my next car from them, I also told him if I get any more phone calls I would come down there and make a scene. Can you imagine the tabloids? “Talk show host loses it at Lexus!” It could happen…

Dec. 10, 2009

This year I’m sending real Christmas cards in the mail so I spent the day getting them ready. I wish I knew what I was allergic to but my nose runs most every day and I remember that my dad blew his nose a lot, so I am determined to fix the problem without drugs. I’m going out tonight to get the equipment needed to do nasal irrigation. You just run salt water through your nose to flush it out. How bad can it be?

Dec. 13, 2009

It poured rain all day yesterday and the leak we had fixed in the living room is back. Speaking of pouring, I bought a Neti pot at Whole Foods and it really works. It looks like a teapot and it’s an easy way to run salt water into one nostril and out the other to flush out pollen, bacteria, mucus, and whatever else shouldn’t be in there. I got rid of my runny nose without drugs! Granted it makes you squirm to see it done, but the result feels like you just ate a hot pepper and cleared your sinuses. The first time I did it, the initial feeling is like you swam and got water in your nose but once it starts coming out the other nostril, it feels fine, and the result is instant. I’m storing the pot separately so no one uses it to make tea.

 

Dec. 17, 2009

I’ve decided to bake cupcakes for Christmas presents so I experimented today with a chocolate recipe. They were so good I ate two and a third one is currently at risk. They’re like little personal cakes and I love cake. I went to the mall tonight and was shocked to find parking. I picked up something for my housekeeper, Antonia, but I can’t say what it is because she reads my diary. Came home, had white tea, and am trying not to eat the 3rd cupcake.

Dec. 21, 2009

Look what I grew in my back yard.

Dec. 22, 2009

It’s Christmas baking time! I’m starting tonight and I’ll be making sugar cookies, pfeffernusse, lemon bars, macaroons, and this year I’m also trying to make chocolate truffles. Last weekend I made a slipcover for an ottoman. I didn’t want to but nobody could get it done before Christmas so I bought some fabric and piping and did it myself. Tomorrow I’ll pick up my turkey for Christmas dinner (everything from scratch, including pumpkin pie). I can’t wait for that!

Dec. 25, 2009

Best wishes to all my website visitors and friends. Here’s a vintage Christmas card we sent at the Jenny Jones Show back in the 90s. Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year.


click the image to enlarge

 

Boxing Day, 2009

Being from Canada, the day after Christmas is always Boxing Day to me. It’s an official holiday there as well as in England, Australia, and New Zealand. It’s the day to shop for bargains but originally it was a day for servants to receive a box of goodies from their employers. It was also a day to give to the needy – a much better idea than giving to the malls. We had people over for cookies today and then I made turkey leftovers for dinner. After my pumpkin pie, I had one of my homemade truffles and wow – it was good! But only one. Now that the Christmas work is over, I sipped white tea and watched TV all night.

Dec. 29, 2009

I’m getting ready for a New Years Day open house which I’ve done every year since the 90s. It will be catered food but I will do all the desserts. Baking again – I love it! I told Denis I want to go to Pasadena to see the floats the day after the parade. I would love to see them up close and of course, I’ll be taking my camera. I came across a VHS copy of my guest appearance on Doogie Howser, MD with a very young Neil Patrick Harris so I’ll be posting that soon on the site.

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Dear Diary 2008

January 1, 2008

It’s 2008 already, holy cow! And I have no resolutions – who’s got time? Besides, why create a reason to disappoint myself? I have enough issues on my plate. Well, I survived another annual New Year’s Day Party. Denis and I have hosted one every year for the past 5 years and every year I say I won’t do it again – it’s too much work. I decorate the house and then I bake all the desserts. But I keep doing it. We had a blackjack tournament and a great psychic. There’s always a line of people to see the psychic, I guess wondering what the new year will bring. The party was a lot of fun, but I’m not sure I want to do it again…

January 6, 2008

How did we live without the internet? I love it. I just heard from an old friend from the 60’s. He was a band-mate I used to play drums with and now he has grown children. He’s in the first photo in my photos galore, bands I’ve been in, the top left guy. I love that you can find people on the internet, educate yourself, play games, shop, but mostly learn. It’s been pouring rain all weekend and now it’s finally stopped. The air smells so good after it rains, I took my camera and went walking in the canyon. Here’s a picture I took.

January 11, 2008

So I woke up last Monday with my cheeks all red, somewhat swollen, neck red and itchy, and puffy circles under my eyes. Not a usual sight for me and my healthy, glowing skin. I was at the dermatologist’s office by 9:30. “I have a photo shoot in five days! What’s going on?” I said. His professional opinion? “This is a reaction to something.” No kidding. I could have paid myself for that diagnosis. The big question was… what? I made a food diary from the day before and there was nothing new. I didn’t use any new skin products. So neither he nor I have any idea what caused it. He gave me some cream and antihistamines and assured me it would be gone by the photo shoot. That was today and it wasn’t exactly gone but it was much better. What the cream and pills didn’t fix, Photoshop will. Now I’m afraid to put anything on my face, even sunblock. So I’m starting with all new stuff for sensitive skin and we’ll see. But I got my new photos taken. I might need them for the big thing that’s coming to this website in about two weeks. I can’t wait.

January 17, 2008

My skin seems back to normal so now I have to test every product individually to see if I get a reaction. I had a group meeting this week with everyone involved with that big thing I’m planning. It’s just a few days away and today was spent with my new (and fantastic) assistant, Damon, setting up a camera and lights to make a video about the big thing. It’s happening this month so we’re all getting excited. I made chicken soup today.

January 18, 2008

With Damon’s skilled camera work, we recorded the videos today. I did my own makeup and hair which will never be as good as the dream team I had at the talk show, but they are in Chicago and I’m here in L.A.. It’s fun to see a daytime show on TV and when the credits roll, I see someone’s name that worked at my show. I miss the staff, especially the crew since they were there for most of my 12 years in Chicago. Sometimes, I tune in Oprah or Jerry Springer just to see my old cameramen in the shot. I made oatmeal-raisin cookies tonight.

January 19, 2008

Ran errands all afternoon. The drug store, beauty supply, health food store, hardware, and Target.

January 24, 2008

I’ve hardly slept the last few days anticipating the launch of Jenny’s Heroes and it’s finally here. It’s been three months of preparation, and starting today I’ll begin fulfilling this dream. I can’t remember being this excited about something in a long time, probably since I got my talk show. I hope it’s well received.

January 25, 2008

Did I say I hope it’s well received? (see yesterday’s entry below) Oh my God! It’s through the roof! I woke up at 6:30 this morning and went right to the emails. I was in my pajamas and ready to work, but my internet was down and I was going crazy. It’s scary how dependent we’ve become on the internet. So I sipped my warm water and lemon juice (my regular morning beverage, followed by green tea) and the internet finally came back up, thank God. We now have over 1300 applications. I’m reviewing them all myself so pretty much every waking minute that I’m not sleeping or eating, I’m reading. And I love it. I already see how much good my money is going to do. It’s been pouring rain for days now so it’s easy to stay home and read the emails. One of the best things is receiving emails from friends saying, “What a great idea.” I know that now.

January 27, 2008

It’s POURING rain and I just found 5 leaks in the house. Three are coming out of a beam in the ceiling and two are coming from under windows. The lawn is so saturated it’s like waking on slush. Denis and I ran into an old friend at El Pollo Loco yesterday. Andre was my travel agent when I had the talk show. We were standing next to each other and neither one of us recognized the other but Denis spotted him. It was great to see him again. With today’s rain, it’s a good day to stay inside so I’m baking bread and going through the Jenny’s Heroes applications. There are so many good people out there wanting to help others. I wish I could find a way to do more.

January 31, 2008

It’s not easy getting up at 5:00 am but that’s what I did today to go on the radio. The interviews were on the east coast starting at 9 am there – that’s 6 am here. Thank God they couldn’t see me. It was pajamas, sippers, and morning hair. I appeared on the KTLA Morning Show yeterday and recorded it but I can’t watch it. Even when my talk show was on, I always avoided watching myself. I’m so critical: “What’s with my hair?” “Why did I say that?” “Is my butt really that big?” It’s too stressful. But it was fun and the hosts were terrific.

February 3, 2008

I took time to bake some bread this morning. It made the house smell great while I went through more applications. But I finally got caught up and have read them all, so I took the afternoon off and Denis and I went to the Grove. It was cold and windy but I needed to get away from the computer. We bought some pillows and ate at the Farmer’s Market. I made soup tonight because I know it’s going to be a busy week.

February 5, 2008

My day started at 5:30 am, trying to wake myself up enough to go on the radio in Miami live at 6 am (9:00 there). I then did an hour of a satellite radio tour, where you call into a main studio and they connect you to various stations around the country. It was all to talk about Jenny’s Heroes. Since I was up so early, I baked fresh cinnamon rolls. They were done by 10. The electrician came to fix some outside lights and I spent the rest of the day, where else, at my computer. We decided to buy a new computer for Damon, my assistant, to facilitate all the work he’s doing with my million dollar giveaway. We got a new imac and all I can say is wow! That’s all, just wow! I still like my older model that swivels, and I’m afraid if I got a new one like that, I’d have to be surgically removed from this chair.

February 6, 2008

The days are getting busier but I always have time to bake muffins. It was oatmeal-banana this morning. I finally got out of the house and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond tonight. I had bought a toaster oven last week and went back with my coupon to get the 20% discount. Saved $30.

Febuary 10, 2008

What a crazy week it was. Announcing the first “Jenny’s Hero” who turned out to be such a nice guy. Travis is prominently featured on the Heroes website. He’s been on his local evening news, in the newspaper, and tomorrow morning he and I will be on the radio together. And the best part is that people from all over are emailing him messages of congratulations. I didn’t expect that that would be my favorite part of this program, or that so many people would respond personally like that. Adding to the anxiety of last week, we switched the Heroes site over to a new design that is more accesible to me and Damon. We’re having awesome weather this weekend and I finally took a little time to enjoy it. In fact, I did a little Christmas shopping yesterday. The fabric store was selling all their holiday ribbon at 90% off. Ninety percent! I’ve never bought anything at 90% off so I got $80 worth of beautiful Christmas ribbons, the kind with the wire, for $8! I fet like that woman in the Ikea commercial…. “Start the car!! Start the caaaar!!!!!

February 12, 2008

I woke up at 2 am and couldn’t feel my left foot. It was a wierd and scary feeling. It was completely numb from the knee down and I had no idea what was going on. I sat up and wanted to walk but still couldn’t feel my foot. So I supported myself and slowly stood up and stood on it for a few minutes. The feeling started coming back but it freaked me out and I couldn’t bet back to sleep for over an hour. I’ve had my arm go to sleep like that but never my leg. Anyway, it’s fine now. I spent the day searching for the next hero and have a great one in mind. Denis’s cousin came to town and we all went out to dinner.

February 16, 2008

Wow, it’s Saturday already. Valentines went by in a flash. But I did get chocolates and now they’re good for me so I had no guilt. And I gave Denis some reading glasses with his new prescription. Why is it that guys won’t go to the doctor and won’t get proper glasses? I had to harrass him mercifully just to get an eye exam. It wasn’t a romantic present but I did bake him some double chocolate chip cookies. There are two left. I ran errands today, the drug store for some bath oil, the light bulb store for a 20 watt T-pin bulb, and Whole Foods for groceries. I’ll spend the rest of the day trying to catch up on my Heroes applications and looking for the right recipient for this coming Friday.

February 18, 2008

I feel a little guilty for living in California when I watch the national weather report. But not so guilty that I won’t share a photo I took this morning of the new apple blossoms on my tree.

February 23, 2008

I expected to be headed for New York this weekend to appear on the CBS Early Show to talk about Jenny’s Heroes but that will be rescheduled. So it looks like I’ll miss those 9 inches of snow they just got back east. But it rained here today, too. I managed to leave my computer to run a couple of errands and when I went to buy a face cream, I got a gift with purchase. Then I went to my tea store and got three free samples! Two freebies in one day. Sweet.

February 24, 2008

I tried to watch most of the Academy Awards but I can’t sit still for that long. Hey, if it’s a long show to watch, imagine having to sit there, in a tux, or in your Spanx, for 4 hours. Jon Stewart was good. He’s always made me laugh and to appear as calm as he did with that audience?…was a feat in itself.

February 26, 2008

We announced our third hero this morning and I was in such good spirits for the rest of the day. Plus the sun was shining. These days, two things that take me away from my computer are cooking something, or taking pictures. Today I took this photo of a purple daisy-like flower in the back yard. click here to see it.

March 1, 2008

Wow, it can’t be March already. I was up early this morning to do a radio interview in Texas but when I called the number there was no answer. I thought I had written it down wrong but it turned out the station was sold yesterday and now they’re playing hispanic music. I guess that’s radio. I remember when one of the L.A. stations that played oldies, just started playing country music one day. No warning, no surveying the listeners to see if they wanted country music… what gives? Luckily, I like some country, along with oldies, rap, pop, as long as there are no long guitar solos. I love Rascal Flatts. And Chris Brown. And the Platters. And Simply Red. I went grocery shopping, which I also love, and made leg of lamb and rice pudding. And salad, always salad.

March 2, 2008

My Sunday routine seems to be wake up, feed the birds, bake some bread, and go outside with my camera. I highly recommend photography as a way to unwind. I took this picture of some peach blossoms. Last year I got 2 peaches but I’m hoping for more this time. Then we spent the afternoon in Hollywood. I never get tired of going to the Grove and it was great to get away for a few hours. And the best thing happened. Denis and I ran into Mike and Kara who had worked at the Jenny Jones Show and we hadn’t seen each other in years. We literally walked into each other in front of Farmer’s Market. Mike and Kara met and fell in love at the show and now they’re getting married. Should I get some credit for that?… 🙂

March 5, 2008

My car was due for an oil change so I had that done today. I always take it to a dealer but this time I went to a different one. The last place kept telling me I needed all this major stuff, big tune ups, etc. I finally called the manager and complained, saying I felt like I was being hustled. And it was expensive. He said, “You don’t have to do what they say, they are just suggestions.” I said, “They never said that. They make it sound like my life is at risk if I don’t do all this service.” And then it donned on me. “Are the service managers on commission?” I asked. Bingo! Of course he didn’t call it commission, he said they are “paid based on what they write.” Am I the only one who didn’t know that? Commission for car service?? What the hell….That’s wrong!

March 10, 2008

So I talked to my sister yesterday, she’s up in Canada, and I heard all about the snow going half way up the front door and I remembered what it was like growing up. I think I liked the show back then, I’m not sure. But I don’t like it now. I just went outside and took this picture. I hope my sister doesn’t see it, but damn it’s good to be in California. But then I also know that my front door could start shaking at any moment. I’ve missed all the really big earthquakes; otherwise, I might be living in Canada again. Damon and I worked all day on the next heroes but it never seems like work to me. I managed to run one errand and ordered two cushions for my kitchen stools. I contemplated making them myself but there is so little time these days. I did make the kitchen curtains and some of my living room pillows, but that was last year.

March 13, 2008

What a crazy morning. I called two of my newest heroes to give them the good news and it was just a comedy of errors. The whole story is in the “Latest Updates” section at www.jennysheroes.com. Our housekeeper forgot to bring her lunch today so Damon and I took her out for lunch. We had Mexican food and sat outside since it was another beautiful spring day in SoCal. Oh, and I found a couple of old videos and added them to the Vintage Videos page.

March 14, 2008

It was a pretty hectic week since we were announcing four heroes so we all celebrated with lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. It was a chance for me to thank my assistant, Damon, and the guys who developed and maintain both my websites for being so good at what they do. Here we are stuffing our faces with cheesecake and dessert. From left to right, it’s Nay, Danny, and Robert, then me and Damon.

March 16, 2008

How do people who work at computers all day do it? My back hurts. So I wore an ice pack today. Standing is okay so I spent most of the day in the kitchen making soup and pot roast for next week. And cookies… I always make cookies. Before I got my talk show, times were tough but I’m so glad I didn’t turn to prostitution. How would you like to be her parents? Or his wife? Or his daughters!? How does anyone recover? And you have to wonder about all the guys that don’t get caught. The world is running out of heroes and role models.

March 19, 2008

I’ve never had a pedicure in my life… until today. It turns out I have sciatica so I can’t do my own pedicure right now. I also can’t sit down, or bend over, or sleep with this much pain emanating from my back. So reluctantly, I drove (that hurts too) to a nail place and said, “My toe nails are ruining the good sheets so can I please get a pedicure?” Sure, no problem, no wait at all. Now I know why. The receptionist motioned vaguely to an area in the back while talking to someone else. I didn’t know what to do. Go to the back? Stay? Wait for the technician to come get me? Maybe she was talking to me. But I don’t speak Vietnamese. And it’s for sure that nobody there spoke English. When she pointed a second time, I headed to the back, still unsure where to go or what to expect.

Then, little Miss Thang pointed to a chair (she never introduced herself or I would have used her name) and I sat down. “I’ve never had a pedicure,” I said, assuming it might actually matter and assuming, of course, that she understood what I said. That’s a negative on both counts. This was not a good experience. She filed my toenails along with the skin underneath them. She faced me and surprisingly, actually spoke so I said, “Are you talking to me?” She stared at me and didn’t answer. Of course not. She didn’t speak English. It turned out she was talking to the woman behind her, the one who was watching a dvd and not responding. Then while she was abusing my tender feet with some sort of liquid sandpaper, she got a phone call. Thank God for bluetooth so the sandblasting could continue as she chatted away. Frustrated and offended, I finally said, “If this is important, you can go and take this call.” Again, no comprende.

It couldn’t be over fast enough for me. Rude. Indifferent. And oh, one more thing. Cash only. Before I left, I asked for the manager and said to her, “Would you like to know how my pedicure was?” I think her exact answer was, “Huh?”

March 25, 2008

I’m taking shorter baths to make my pedicure last longer. I need to be able to reach my toes by the time they need doing. Easter weekend was great – we had record heat and my sister told me it snowed today in Canada. I guess you could hide eggs by burying them in the snow. I wish I knew where the idea for the Easter bunny came from, or the eggs. Shouldn’t it be an Easter chicken? The warm weather always draws me outside with my camera and today I saw this odd looking bee. Take a look.

March 30, 2008

I went to the drug store.

March 31, 2008

I called our 10th hero this morning, a dentist in Bozeman, Montana. I still can’t believe I’m able to do this, give away my money. I feel like that guy on “The Millionaire” tv show from the 50’s, John Beresford Tipton. You never saw him but he would send Michael Anthony to people’s door with a cheque for one million dollars and then we watched how it changed their lives, and not always for the better. In my case, it’s always for the better. I remember watching that show as a child, along with Bonanza, Toast of the Town with Ed Sullivan, Leave it to Beaver, and the Honeymooners. Now I like Boston Legal, Monk, Closer, and Ugly Betty. Oh, and Eli Stone, and Pushing Daisies if it ever comes back.

April 2, 2008

Today was “Damon Appreciation Day” so Denis and I took him out for Thai food lunch. We got really lucky in finding Damon and just wanted to let him know how much he is appreciated. Later, our handyman, Al, came by and did some repairs.

April 6, 2008

It won’t be long before this website’s new design is ready to premiere. Robert, who is my web developer, says it will be easier for me (okay, Damon) to access it so I can add more stuff. I can update text, but Damon has to upload videos and anything fancy. It’s looking good and I hope we can make it live soon. I definitely need to use some newer head shots. That one of me with the wavy-curly very-blond hair is about seven years old but it’s one of my favorites. Anyway, it’s going into the archives shortly.

April 8, 2008

News Flash: Someone (a nice lady named Rhonda) just let me know that American Idol’s David Archuleta, the cute 17-year-old who just might win the competition, appeared on my show back when he was 11 years old. Our talent shows were always my favorites but at that time, I only remember him as “David” on our show about “Future Latino Stars.” I do remember that he got a standing ovation and when you see the video, you’ll know why. His performance was awesome. It’s a grainy video but worth seeing. It’s on my homepage, or you can just click here.

April 10, 2008

There was a dead rat in the pool. Or maybe it was a gopher… I don’t know. But it was all puffy and sad looking. I guess he was sad because he was dead.

April 13, 2008

I created a new recipe for breakfast and liked it so much, I added it to the recipes section on this website. It’s oatmeal pancakes and they turned out great. I was afraid that using whole grain flour would make them heavy but they were light and delicious. My back is almost back to normal. I can tie my shoes and by next week I should be able to do my own pedicure. Yay! It was like summer today so I took my camera and staked out my hummingbird feeder. They didn’t come around so I went inside and found a red shirt and put it on. When I went back out the little birds were practically dive-bombing me. They kept zipping past my head and I even had to duck once. I read somewhere that they are attracted to red, and I guess they are. That’s how I got this picture.

April 16, 2008

I watched the debate tonight. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to see a politician just answer the damn questions? Like this: Q: “Do you agree with raising taxes on the middle class to help restore the social security system?” A: “Yes, I do.” Why is that so hard? The truth might hurt but it needs to be told. It’s just like when somebody tells you you’re fat. You don’t like it, but it’s probably true.

April 20, 2008

Every once in a while I treat myself to something special, and this time it’s a luxury I didn’t even know existed until two weeks ago. It’s a zero-gravity chair. Oh my God. It’s like being floated up into a cloud outside the atmosphere where there is no gravity, and no pressure anywhere on the body. I hardly got anything done today because I kept trying it out all day. I did manage to leave my new chair long enough to bake some Kitchen Sink Cookies (see my recipe) and roast a chicken. Well, no more time to write – I’m headed back into the clouds….

April 25, 2008

Ugly Betty is back. I made some popcorn, sat in my new zero- gravity chair, and watched it. I hope Betty winds up with the sandwich guy. There’s too much baggage with Henry. Betty doesn’t need any baby mama drama, unless it’s her own. I got my hair cut and colored yesterday so I’ll have good hair days for at least a week. Sometimes, when my hair turns out especially good, I go out even if I have no place to go. Last night I dreamed I was singing backup for Wayne Newton again. The show was starting but I couldn’t get to the stage. I couldn’t find my way backstage, every door I tried didn’t work, and none of the crew knew me. I wonder what that means…

April 29, 2008

Spring is here! It’s so nice outside, I seem to split my time between this computer working on Jenny’s Heroes and the back yard taking pictures… like this.

May 2, 2008

The dreaded phone call finally got made. I scheduled my mammogram for next week. It should give them enough time to thoroughly refrigerate that machine before it touches my skin.

May 3, 2008

Celebrity Sighting Alert: I saw Shaq today while driving in Beverly Hills. He was in a residential area, standing outside and pretty hard to miss.

May 4, 2008

Today was Denis’s nephew’s 21st birthday so we celebrated at Benihana. The chef made a really cool volcano on the grill out of stacked onions and juggled the salt & pepper shakers. It’s always fun except for the gobs of butter they add to the food. It’s time for them to offer a healthy version of Rocky’s Choice. I’d be there every week.

May 7, 2008

Had a mammogram today
It wasn’t half bad
Compared to the mammo-nazi
At the last one I had.

So every woman should go
There’s nothing to fear
Before you know it
You’re back in your brassiere.

May 8, 2008

I got the A-okay on my mammogram today. They called to say everything looks good. My housekeeper, Antonia, has a truck so she drove me to pick up a piece of furniture. On the way back she spotted an El Salvadoran restaurant so we stopped and picked up some lunch. It was a hole in the wall place but the food was good. We had pupuzas (pork in a pocket-tortilla) and a salada drink made with diced fruit. It was kind of a fruit salad-drink combo. It was all good. She gave it an 8 out of 10. When we got back we went to check on a nest I found in the back yard last week. Yesterday it had 4 eggs in it and today… quadruplets!

May 11, 2008

It’s Mother’s Day and I told Denis that I should have a special day for all the motherly things I do for him, like bake cookies, and tell him when he needs a haircut. So we went to the Americana at Brand in Glendale which just opened. It’s just like the Grove in Hollywood with shops, a trolley, and fountains. We had fun walking around and I bought a couple of summer tops. We also had cream puffs and I make no apology about that. I eat well most of the time and I earned that cream puff. I did not earn the second one I had, but hey, it’s Mother’s Day.

May 14, 2008

I checked on the 4 little birds in the nest and they’re growing fast. Here’s their latest photo. I went to Nieman Marcus in Beverly Hills today to get a gift card and I saw a woman there who looked like she was about one more plastic surgery away from looking like that cat lady (Jocelyn Wildenstein). I think she was about 60 but you couldn’t tell. Maybe she was 80. Or 100!? Yeah, I think she was a hundred – with a face tigher than a birthday balloon, and a fake nose, fake lips, and perky boobs. That’s just wrong.

May 15, 2008

It was a big victory for gay Californians today: legalizing gay marriage. Finally, all the rights of married couples belong to everyone. It’s about time. I wonder if the gay divorce rate will be the same as for straight couples. I suppose this also gives gay people the right to collect alimony or battle for custody of children if they split. Well, no matter what, it’s really great that someone can finally say, “I’m Steve and this is my husband, Bill.” I love it.

May 18, 2008

My four little birds are gone! I went to check on them yesterday and the nest is empty. They weren’t ready to fly, I don’t think. I hope their mom doesn’t blame me. I know she didn’t like me coming around with my camera and she squaked at me a lot. Denis and I went to a birthday party Saturday night. I’m not very comfortable at parties and socializing but I did my best. We ran errands today: beauty supply, an exchange at the mall, kitchen store, lunch at Farmer’s Market, and a housewares store. I’m trying to find one of those ultrasonic pest repellers that you plug in the wall and it makes spiders go away. I’d rather have snakes in the house than spiders. I suppose if there actually were snakes in the house I might not feel that way, but I really don’t like spiders. What if one crawls on my face when I’m sleeping??? What if it already has?

May 21, 2008

Here’s an amazing coincidence: I just announced out newest “Jenny’s Hero” today, a rural mail carrier who works in the small community of Blue Springs, Missouri. Guess where tonight’s American Idol winner, David Cook, is from? Blue Springs, Missouri! Two winners there in one day!

It’s really windy tonight and the house is making scary sounds, popping & banging. It’s scaring me so maybe it’ll scare the spiders away. Exciting News: I did my own pedicure again! I was finally able to reach my toes. I hope I never have to go to that salon for one ever again. If I do, I’ll learn how to speak Vietnamese first so I can tell what they’re saying about me. I was out in the backyard looking for any dead things floating in the pool (hey, it’s a photo op!) and I saw a deer up on the hill. All she did was eat. Oh, and my face got those red spots again. I think I have to stop doing my own facials. Hey, I think that pedicure salon also does facials. Maybe I’ll go in January, because it’ll be a cold day when I go back there again. I made a banana sundae tonight: Low fat Haagen-Dazs vanilla yogurt, banana (potassium & fiber), fudge sauce (chocolate has antioxidants) and chopped walnuts (heart-healthy fat). I ate it. I liked it. No guilt.

May 23, 2008

Last night I dreamed I was the first lady and was flying on Airforce One in a sleeper-seat. Then I was at the White House just standing there, not knowing what I was supposed to do. People were rushing around past me like I wasn’t there and nobody told me what I was supposed to do. It reminded me of the very first day I reported for work at my new talk show. They gave me an office, and the desk had a phone, legal pad and a pen. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Nobody paid attention to me, they were too busy running around putting the show together without me. I tried to join a staff meeting and was asked to leave so they could work on the show. I thought that was normal. I wonder if that arrogant producer who said I’d never make it knows just how hands-on I became at my own talk show. Who’s the beee-och now? How did I get off on that rant?

May 26, 2008

It’s Memorial Day and I hope people remember that today is not about buying things on sale but about remembering why we are free to go shopping in the first place. My dad was a soldier in the Polish army during World War II and spent time in a prison camp. When I was a kid, I used to roll my eyes when he’d tell stories about the war but now I understand how his sacrifices and those of so many others have given all of us the freedoms that we enjoy today. We should never take that for granted. Thanks, Dad.

May 30, 2008

I’m busier than ever with my Heroes program and don’t get out much during the week. Still too much time at the computer but at least I’m at home so I can take a break and cook something. Today I made cheese blintzes for breakfast and beet salad for dinner. There was another dead thing in the pool – I think it was a gopher. I bought new socks last night. And today we put fresh sugar-water in our hummingbird feeders and I saw an intruder that was clearly too big to rest on the feeder, but she seemed determined to get at that sweet water. Here’s the picture I took of a bird with a mission.

June 3, 2008

The termites are back. Why can’t they build houses out of something besides wood? So the inspector is coming to do a free inspection, to be followed up by a proposal for eradication. Isn’t that a conflict of interest? I wonder how many inspectors just say, “It’s A-Okay – No bugs. I’ll just go make money somewhere else.” He’s coming Thursday so we’ll see. Since I don’t get out as much with the Heroes program taking most of my days, I’ve been shopping online some evenings. Last night I ordered lip pencils, pajamas, and a teapot.

June 4, 2008

I was almost out of gas so I filled up today. I’m supposed to use premium but couldn’t bring myself to pay 4.59 so I used the middle grade. I stopped pumping at $80.

June 7, 2008

It’s my birthday so I got to do anything I wanted. I marked the day by picking and eating the first crisp, sweet apple off the apple tree I planted last year. It has huge clumps of apples. Then Denis took me to my favorite pizza place for a margherita pizza and then on to my favorite frozen custard place where I got a small cone. That was a huge treat since I usually make my own pizza and only occasionally have frozen yogurt or gelato. After that I bought some new walking shoes. Hmmm… what made me think of exercising? Doesn’t it suck that you actually have to eat less and move more to keep your weight in check? Back to that tomorrow.

June 11, 2008

A scary thing happened today. I was on my morning walk and was attacked by a dog – either a pit bull or a boxer, I’m not sure. About a month ago I had seen this dog and when I stopped to say hi, he lunged in my face. That got my attention so I knew not to come close next time. So today I saw him being walked on a leash and I didn’t stop or even look at him, I just kept walking. As soon as I passed, he attacked the back of my legs. His handler pulled back hard on the leash and got him off of me, but I was bruised and sore. It really scared me. On the way home I kept wondering what would have happened if the leash broke, or instead of me, he went after a small child. I was still shaking when I got home and immediately reported the incident to animal control. Until I know he’s off the street, I’ll be walking in a different direction.

June 14, 2008

I still haven’t walked on my regular route. I think I’ll drive around there a few times to make sure that dog isn’t there. I drove to Home Depot this afternoon and there are not a lot of luxury cars in the parking lot. Mostly trucks, and guys who drive trucks. I walked into this stadium-sized warehouse and just stood there, clueless of how you’re supposed to find a picture hanging hook amid towering walls of… I don’t know – stuff. Mostly big stuff. Tools, rolls of things, doors, just big things. The guys I saw seemed to like being there. Not me. I asked and got directed to the picture hanging hook aisle, got my stuff and left. When I got home I saw a baby deer behind my house. After our staring contest, she bounded away.

June 19, 2008

The Lakers couldn’t pull it off. Too bad. How quickly things change in basketball. We’re having a heat wave and it’s 106 degrees outside! My plum tree is going crazy. I’ve given plums to everyone I know, made plum cake, plum tart, plum jam, and next: plum upside down cake.

June 20, 2008

I had my teeth cleaned today. I always ask for a topical pain gel and they always have a TV on to distract me from my anxiety. Apparently, the whole idea is to continue scraping in there until they draw blood. I guess that’s how they know they’re done.

June 25, 2008

Men and women weren’t meant to be together. Is it just me? When a man says, “I’ll get to it right away,” don’t we have the right to expect it within the next calendar year? Denis said he’d clean out the garage two years ago. Then when I do it, it’s like, “That’s my job. I was going to do that.” I heard a fantastic bit of philosophy recently and it’s mine now too. “Pay no attention to what people say, only to what they do.” Live by that and you’ll never be disappointed.

June 29, 2008

It was like something out of a movie. I was looking out the kitchen window and through a tree I saw something moving on the hill behind my back yard. Assuming it was a deer, I grabbed my camera and walked outside. When I looked up I saw between 15 and 20 coyotes on the hillside! There might have even been more behind some of the trees and bushes. They were just walking across the hill like those migrations you see in Africa, with males, females, and 3 or 4 babies. They did see me and I was scared, remembering some signs I had seen recently posted about missing dogs. They eventually moved on and I managed to get 8 in one photo. There are two babies at the bottom right of the photo.

July 5, 2008

I spent the last few days in Chicago expecting an enjoyable time in one of my favorite places. Well I was staying out in the suburbs, which I now call the boonies because there was a huge storm and there was no power, no phone, no internet, no tv, no water, no air conditioning, no nothin’. It sucked. How did people live? I couldn’t even write in this diary to complain about it. I suppose back in the dark, very dark ages, people survived without a phone or a computer, but what kind of life was that? Sittin’ around grooming each other’s backs while the men go out to throw rocks at things?? Okay, I’ve finally calmed down but seriously, these kids today have no idea the hardships we grownups have endured. When I grew up, text was something your read in a book, a playstation had swings and a slide, and a blackberry was something we ate.

July 7, 2008

Life is finally back to normal. I hugged my computer and I now have a new appreciation for the internet. Remember when we actually had to open a big fat yellow pages book to find a number? Or go to the store to shop? Or horrors – go outside and mail letters? I’m eating oatmeal for breakfast every single day as an experiment until I have a blood test next month. I want to see if it lowers my cholesterol which has always been elevated. The mom and baby deer that come by every day were here today and the mom was limping. I hope she’ll be okay.

July 12, 2008

I’ve been so busy getting the new web site ready. It won’t be long before this one is history and there will be a whole new look. I guess you could call it a Jenny Jones makeover. I had a fight with Denis yesterday but as usual, I can’t remember how it started. Even though we’ve made up, I still think men are impossible. Why can’t they be more like women?

July 14, 2008

Denis turned sixty yesterday and we celebrated with a pool party and barbeque. He invited all his guy friends that he grew up with who are also turning 60, or are already there. I decorated with balloons and streamers and baked him a sweet potato chocolate cake (his favorite).

July 17, 2008

It was a beautiful day so I took a break around 1 pm to check on my roses outside. I was standing there for a while and when I looked down there was a snake looking back at me. We stared at each other through the white picket fence for a few seconds and I realized it was not a rattle snake so I went back for my camera. He didn’t mind me taking his picture and when he slithered away I saw all of him and he was about five feet long, maybe six. When the gardener came I warned him to be careful and he said, “Was it a rattlesnake? No? Then no big deal.”

July 19, 2008

I made apple pancakes for breakfast with apples from my tree. They tasted extra apple-y because I picked the apples right before cooking. Then I ran errands all day with Denis (When I mention Denis, he’s my boyfriend of 23 years). In about a week, this web site will be history. My brand new site is coming soon! Tons of pictures!

July 25, 2008

It’s here!!! My new website!!! We’ve been working on it for months and I love it! I have the most awesome team who designed and built it. My thanks to Robert, Danny, and Nay at Avetar Interactive in Tarzana, California. These boys rock!!! I hope everyone enjoys the new site and let me know what you think. I’ll share your comments with Robert and his team. If you are seeing the old website, just refresh the page in your browser. And if you are on a Mac using the Safari browser, you may hit a couple of bumps but we’ll have them fixed in a few days. You may have better luck with Firefox. Well enjoy my new playground!

July 29, 2008

We just had a magnitude 5.8 earthquake and I’m still shaking. It’s noon and I was (where else) sitting at my computer. It came in two waves, a short first one and then a second stronger one. I was so scared. I heard glass breaking upstairs and thought the house was coming apart. I ran to the doorway but should have gotten under my desk. When it stopped I started hyperventilating and my hands are still shaking. I have the TV on it looks like some undergrorund water pipes broke and flooded an intersection. So far there have been 17 aftershocks but I haven’t felt them here. The breaking glass turned out to be a framed picture that was leaning on a shelf. I sure hope it wasn’t a pre-shock with more to come.

July 30, 2008

The earthquake was downgraded to a 5.4 and that was disappointing because a 5.8 would have been even worse, never mind a 7! I was thinking, “Hey, I survived a 5.8 and the house didn’t come down, so maybe the ‘big one’ won’t be so bad.” Wrong. I was even nervous today when I drove under a freeway overpass and had to stop there for a light. I was on my way to a hand surgeon to look at an infection in my knuckle. I don’t know how I got it but it’s been red and swollen for over 2 weeks. He said there was something in it and suggested cutting it open, removing it, and putting in one suture. I knew that would involve an injection to numb the finger and I had that once before when I cut myself cooking and needed stitches. That needle hurt worse than slicing my hand with a serrated bread knife! I declined the procedure and opted for antibiotics (which I try to avoid at all costs, except to avoid cutting my knuckle open) and if it doesn’t clear up, I’ll still have to have that other thing done. I can’t even say it again.

July 31, 2008

It was a great reunion today when my old all-girl band, the Cover Girls reunited, three out of four anyway. Stephanie, our guitar player was here from San Francisco, and Terri, who played bass, drove in from Palm Springs. (I was the drummer) We toured together in the 60s and today was a chance to catch up after many years. We went to Universal Citywalk for lunch and sat outside along the citywalk. We laughed a lot and remembered some great old times. It’s really nice to see old friends from way back in the day. I wish I had more.

August 2, 2008

Denis and I went to the zoo.

August 5, 2008

My knuckle was still red and swollen so I went to the hand surgeon who cut it open – YES – CUT IT OPEN – only to tell me, “There’s nothing in here.” No splinter and no infection. Isn’t that like having open heart surgery just to hear, “Nope, the heart looks good. No problems here.” It wasn’t fun. I went in to get it looked at again and he slapped on a surgical mask, they disinfected my hand, and stuck a needle in my knuckle – YES – IN MY KNUCKLE! I couldn’t look. Once it was numb (about 20 seconds) I strained my neck to look the other way while he cut it open – YES – CUT IT OPEN! So now it’s bandaged up and there’s nothing wrong…. I guess.

August 11, 2008

I’m back in Chicago again and it’s such a great city. I still have a house here and it’s hard to let go of it even though I spend 11 3/4 months in California. Last night there were lightning bugs outside and this morning there were two deer sitting in the back yard. We have deer in L.A. too but no lightning bugs. My knuckle is looking better but just like the deer outside, not out of the woods yet.

August 13, 2008

What a superstar Michael Phelps is! How could he ever feel normal again in his life? I haven’t bought a poster since I was a teen, but I am getting the one of him head-on in the water while he blows everybody else out of the water! It’s just amazing what someone can do with focus and drive and hard work. He will surely inspire generations. And didn’t we just love to see how stunned France was when they lost the relay? A much-deserved loss if you ask me. They talked smack – and it came back! Go, U.S.A!!!

August 15, 2008

I’m finally back in L.A. and boy do I not like to fly. We had some turbulence and I started hyperventilating from anxiety. Then when it smoothed out I forgot all about it and played solitaire. My knuckle is getting better but I cut another finger while I was making a salad. It was a deep cut and bled a lot so we went to the drug store for some butterfly bandages. They held the cut together and the pain subsided but whenever I looked at the cut, it seemed to hurt more. Since I’ve been home I’ve seen two deer, one coyote, and four lizards. I’ll be adding some new pictures to the “My Photography” pages because I’m getting lots of great feedback on my photos, especially the Mystery Photos. Those a really fun. I’ll be posting more of them next week.

August 19, 2008

Denis and I went to the zoo again on Sunday so there are more pictures coming to my photography page. Because he took me there, I suggested we have dinner at HIS favorite restaurant. And we did. El Pollo Loco. We can afford to go to Spago but that didn’t happen. Let’s see… white table cloths, elegant service, gourmet food — or — a plastic tray? The tray won, but they do make good chicken. And they gave us a senior discount. What? You heard me right, and they didn’t card us either. Just a visual.

August 23, 2008

Coyotes have been howling almost every night this week. There was a full moon and that seems to make them more rowdy. I wondered what they were doing but I wasn’t about to go outside to find out. I had the trees trimmed around the house yesterday by a team of 8 guys. It was hard and dangerous work, climbing into sycamore trees that are 75 feet high. They were all hispanic. So is my gardener, pool guy, critter guy, stone guy, painter, and the guy who just fixed my fireplace. I’m just sayin’…

August 26, 2008

I don’t get out much these days, staying so busy with Jenny’s Heroes. But I’m a homebody so that’s okay, and I can whip something up myself when I get hungry. The kitchen is my relief from the computer. Today, I made egg salad on whole grain toast for breakfast, black bean dip with a few reduced fat tortilla chips for lunch, and chicken fried rice for dinner. For dessert I made oatmeal cookies, from scratch of course. I won’t mention how many I had because when they are fresh out of the oven…oh my. But then Denis and I went to the mall so there was some walking involved. I bought a pillow.

August 27, 2008

Concord grapes are here!!! And that can only mean one thing: Pomegranates are next!!!

August 29, 2008

It’s a long weekend! I’ve been super busy with my Heroes so I’m excited about having 3 days just for me. I’m making a list of places to go: Whole Foods, the nursery, Container Store, Target, Linens ‘n Things, the Ghirardelli store in Pasadena, a canyon hike, a bike ride, and maybe the zoo again. I’ll have time to bake bread and cookies, plus I’ll be taking more mystery photos for the photography page. All that as soon as I recover from the news of John McCain running mate. I’ll need a few hours for that.

August 30, 2008

I just saw a rat! It’s 11 o’clock in the morning! This can’t be! This is my house, my yard, my garden, and there are no rats allowed! I just leaned over to turn on the hose and saw this tail going under a step and I thought “this must be an extra large lizard to have a tail that long. Let me lean in to see how big this lizard is.” Holy mother of mercy of all that is unholy! I’m never going outside again.

Sept. 3, 2008

Denis and I went to a wedding over the weekend and I put together a nice outfit to wear. I’m not really a dress person but I have dressy silk pants and a nice fancy top which I put together with sparkly crystal-studded shoes. Denis then says, “I think most people wear dresses to weddings.” No way. What does he know? But what if he’s right? So I went shopping for a dress and this was four hours before the wedding. Since I wasn’t finding anything, I asked three different salesladies if I could wear pants to a wedding. “Of course,” they all said. So I wore my cream colored silk pants. When we got there, I was the ONLY woman wearing pants. I don’t know what’s worse – feeling inappropriately dressed at a garden wedding, or knowing that Denis was right.

Sept. 5, 2008

My knuckle is still red but not sore any more, or swollen. Just red. Hmmm…

Sept. 7, 2008

There just aren’t enough hours in the day. This Heroes project takes a lot of my time since I am, and have always been, a hands-on person. And September is a big month for my grants. I usually stay up to date on my emails but I have 30 waiting for my response. Plus I have advice letters waiting. How can I complain when I love what I do? I’m back in Chicago again trying to figure out what to do with the house that I bought when I taped my show here. Flying still scares me. Sometimes I have to focus on breathing to stay calm. I tried drinking once but then I felt like crap when I landed. If there’s going to be a big earthquake in L.A., I hope it happens while I’m here in Chicago.

Sept. 9, 2008

I ate concord grapes last night until my stomach hurt. Denis and I are still in Chicago and leaves are falling already. I had to turn the heat on this morning and wear a sweater so I miss California. We’ve been cleaning out the house and today we donated a bunch of stuff to Vietnam Vets. We have no TV because a tree grew up and is blocking the signal to the dish and I’m lucky to have internet out here in the woods. Roughing it is not for me. I don’t ever want to go camping.

Sept. 15, 2008

I think I have flown my last flight. Coming back from Chicago to L.A. we hit turbulence like I have never even imagined. I’m a nervous flyer on a good day, but this time the plane was violently shaking and banking to the right, then the left and it seemed to last for five minutes, but I’m told it was less than a minute. It happened quickly and unexpectedly since the weather was good but once we leveled off, I could barely speak and my hands were shaking for about 20 minutes. I later found out that we ran into the jet stream of a 747. I’ve had nightmares about it since it happened (Friday) and still haven’t slept normally. I can’t image any circumstance where I could get on a plane again. Oh, and my sister and her 2 daughters were visiting for the weekend. More on that later.

Sept. 17, 2008

I still keep reliving that horrific flight and it seems surreal, like it was only a movie. Maybe that’s because if it was too real, I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. If I could just block out the memory, I would. Well, enough whining. I survived, and my sister was here for a 3-day weekend with her 2 daughters. I did some early Christmas shopping for them so this way, everything fits. We shopped and shopped and shopped, and when we were done, we shopped some more. We started at Kohl’s, then DSW, Target, Macy’s, K-mart, Mervyn’s, the pharmacy, beauty supply, Sephora, Gap, Gap Body, and that’s about half the stores we hit. I made blueberry pancakes for everyone for breakfast and we also ate at Benihana, the Cheesecake Factory, El Pollo Loco, had Pinkberry yogurt, went to the Grove, and even saw a coyote near Universal Studios. It was so much fun having all of us together but it went by too quickly.

Sept. 20, 2008

When my sister and her daughters were here last week we went to Benihana on Friday night and my niece, Andrea, was thrilled to see a celebrity at the next table. I didn’t know who he was but he had a lot of tattoos. It was Travis Barker, the ex-drummer with Blink-182 who was in that Lear Jet crash today in South Carolina. It affected us all because he was just there, days ago, right next to us, and he seemed very nice as he walked out holding a small child. It’s a terrible tragedy for everyone involved.

Sept. 22, 2008

Heirloom tomatoes were on sale so I used them to make my roasted tomato soup, the recipe that’s in my cookbook. Then I made my own bread sticks and it was a combination from heaven. Besides that, I spent the rest of my day at the computer. This is Teachers’ Month with my Heroes program, averaging almost one grant a day so it’s been busy. I do my nails while I work so this was also manicure day. Hey, isn’t Barack Obama biracial, and not black?

Sept. 25, 2008

Well it took me long enough but I finally added some video clips from my talk show to this website, as well as some photos from way back. I’m looking for more but it’s a good start. Just go to ” Bio & Talk Show” & select “Jenny Jones Show.” Seeing those clips just reminds me how much fun the show was and how much I miss it.

Sept. 30, 2008

Denis’s friend from way back came to town so we had house guests this past weekend. He and his new bride stayed in the guest room and at 3 a.m. one night, the smoke alarm went off, the one right in front of their room. They didn’t know that it had malfunctioned before so I knew it was okay, but they thought it was a burglar alarm and that someone was in the house. So he started walking through the dark house to see if someone broke in, and I started walking around looking for them just to say it was okay. But I never saw anyone and went back to bed. It was only in the morning that I found out he was walking around when I was walking around, so we must have been walking in the same circle. Probably a good thing we didn’t back into each other like in the movies, and then both scream at the same time into the camera.

Oct. 1, 2008

It’s October already! Then Halowe’en, Thanksgiving, and Christmas! (that’s how we spell Halowe’en in Canada) Didn’t I just put the holiday decorations away? So I got a new computer today. I guess mine was pretty old – it was the swivel model iMac on the ball type base. Well it took most of the day to get everything running, and that was with a great assistant who’s very computer savvy. If it was just me, I wouldn’t be posting this diary tonight. Some programs still aren’t working so we will get into it tomorrow. (“we” = assistant) It’s a giant 24-inch screen and I feel like I’m looking at a huge plasma TV screen. I went to the mall tonight and bought new slippers.

Oct. 4, 2008

I’m still getting used to the new computer but I’m afraid to use the new mouse just yet. It did some weird things when I tried it. Today I made pea soup. It brings back a memory for me because on a fru-fru cruise we took last year, the food was so fancy (caviar, pheasant, almond-crusted whatever…) and I craved normal home cooking, the kind I do. When we landed in Quebec City we went to a tiny local restaurant and their specialty was French Canadian Pea Soup, and they baked their own bread. Well, let me tell you, I ate that soup and bread like it was my last day on death row! So delicious. So normal. They must have thought I hadn’t eaten for days. So as soon as I got home I made my own and it always takes me back to that hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Quebec. Denis and I took a nature walk today since it’s not 100 degrees any more. Stopped at Whole Foods, came home, ate soup.

Oct. 7, 2008

This was an exciting day because USA Today published a special section on philanthropy and Jenny’s Heroes was recognized. Click here to see it.

Oct. 11, 2008

I’ve been avoiding the news because it’s so upsetting what’s happening with our economy. I’m so sad for all the people losing their homes, retirements, and for some… hope. Somehow I feel guilty for having so much even though I am sharing it with others. I do believe things will get better and investments held will come back, I just hope it doesn’t take too long. Okay, no more whining! But it is sad. But complaining about it doesn’t help. So now I will cheer things up with a joke: What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards?? A receding hare line.

Oct. 13, 2008

Here we go again with the October fires. The smell of smoke woke me up yesterday and I got really scared thinking the fire was close by. But it was around 30 miles away so that should tell you how strong those Santa Anna winds are. It’s the winds that are driving this awful fire right now and it’s not close to where I live but we always know it can happen anywhere in the Los Angeles canyons. I’ve had the TV on all day and I’m sad for all the residents who had to evacuate and could lose all their possessions. On the bright side….I got a notice for jury duty and did not have to go. Actually, I would love to be on a jury, just not this year because it would take me away from my Heroes grants which I have to be here to manage. I keep promising to make a list of what I need to take in case it’s me who has to evacuate on short notice, but I still haven’t done it.

Oct. 16, 2008

The Dodgers are out! Banks are folding! The stock market is down. No, it’s up. Wait, it’s down. Madonna’s divorcing! My whole world is upside down!

Oct. 17, 2008

Am I the only one who didn’t know you’re supposed to check in for jury duty 5 days a week? So I checked in over the weekend and the message was, “You are not required to report for jury duty on Tuesday, October 7th.” So I hung up. (Tuesday was the day I was supposed to be available) Then today, somebody said, “You did call again, didn’t you?” No. So I called the number again and the message was, “You were required to report for jury duty on Wednesday, October 8th.” Am I going to jail? I didn’t know! I panicked. I don’t look good in handcuffs. Maybe I could just pay the fine. So I called and got a person, apologized profusely hoping to avoid jail time, and she said, “No problem. I’ll put you down for next week. Make sure you call every day.” So that’s how it works! Maybe this time I’ll get on a jury. I’d love that. I wish I could sign up for the people who swindle senior citizens out of their life savings. I’d send them up the river. In a leaking boat. No paddles.

Oct. 20, 2008

Jury duty is on for tomorrow. Last time, I didn’t get picked so maybe this time I’ll get to serve. I have to report at 8:30 am in Van Nuys and that’s where the Britney Spears trial is going on right now. I made gnocchi for dinner – lots of work but a real treat.

Oct. 21, 2008

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m sitting in the juror assembly room with about 100 other people waiting to be called, or not. Everything we brought with us was x-rayed and we all went through security just like the airport. We were just told that all of the trials on today’s docket are criminal but the selection process for jurors is random so we all just wait to see who goes to the judge. It’s freezing in the room but I guess it’s helping keep some of us awake. Most people are reading but I brought my laptop, and food. This group of people truly is a cross section of young & old, male & female, professional & blue collar, and all races. We are sitting on long benches, most people not talking, and they have a few round tables with jig saw puzzles as well as a few computers with internet. One nice feature is they provide a fridge and microwave for people who bring food. It looks to be a long day.

Oct. 22, 2008

Bumped again. They called about 2/3 of the jurors in and let the rest of us go. Oh well, maybe next year. When I was leaving the court house there were a bunch of TV crews outside so it must have been because the Britney case was dismissed. Hey, speaking of celebrities, I saw the guy who plays the captain on CSI ( Paul Guilfoyle) at the grocery store the other night. He was in the dairy section.

Oct. 24, 2008

The upcoming election has put my name in the Hollywood Reporter. Titled “Sarah Palin: future media star?” the story claims that Hollywood bigwigs are looking to capitalize on the Governor’s newfound fame with a television show when she exits politics. I think that might be soon.

“Most industry insiders believe a talk show is the probable route for Palin. Although daytime syndication can be tough sledding, it would take a personality of her stature to break through the clutter, and her folksy red-state persona could be just the thing to connect with this female-skewing audience. One producer/packager said he has held internal staff meetings about how to best parlay Palin’s appeal and skills, with a daytime talk show the likely vehicle. “I see her less as a variety-show host like Ellen (DeGeneres) and more of a single-topic host like Tyra (Banks), or maybe what Jenny Jones used to be,” said Chris Coelen, CEO of RDF USA.”

Oct. 27, 2008

My co-worker, Damon, got married on Saturday and now he’s off on his honeymoon for two weeks. He spends all day working on Jenny’s Heroes with me and now I’m filling in for him until he gets back. The wedding was at noon so I wore a nice pant outfit and thank goodness there were other people wearing pants. Unfortunately, they were men. Who made the rule that you have to wear a dress to a wedding? I thought the bride was the only one who had to be uncomfortable.

Oct. 29, 2008

So I was taking a bath last night with the TV on and saw an interesting documentary called Sex Change Hospital about people having reassignment surgery. It was really interesting although I know some (religious) people would think it’s wrong. So I’m watching and they go to a commercial for guess what? The Mormon church! Uh… yeah! Joseph Smith would roll over in his grave! Somebody at WETV is not paying attention.

Halloween, 2008

Happy Halloween! The first Halloween costume I remember wearing was a ballerina. My mother, who was a seamstress, made it and it had a lot of tulle ruffles and I felt like an angel. But on a more recent Halloween… not so much.

Nov. 3, 2008

Well I already voted by mail and will be watching intently for the election results. I love to be in the kitchen with the TV on – more listening than watching – so I’ll probably bake cookies. In fact I was cooking dinner and had Family Feud on the other day, and heard my name as one of the answers. I think the question was “Which Jennifer would you like to trade placed with?” The answers included Aniston, Lopez, Hudson, and I can’t remember the rest. I guess no one knows my name’s not Jennifer, it’s Janina. But that was fun.

Nov. 4, 2008 Election Day

Wow! What an exciting and historic election! And what an example our young black men now have. “You can do whatever you set your mind to” is finally true. President Obama! I can hardly believe it. Any my vote became part of history.

Nov. 9, 2008

On Friday, I got to see one of my “Heroes,” who is a music teacher, receive $20,000 worth of new musical instruments for his students. Luckily, he is in Van Nuys so I could be there in person at the school. Denis took pictures and his nephew, Ryan, shot some video. After that I cooked dinner and Ryan and I had our usual Sorry championship. I lost… but it was close. Earlier this week, when I was coming home around 9 pm, I almost hit a coyote. I was just about to turn into the driveway when he ran in front of my car and I just missed him. And yesterday, I made barbeque ribs and finally mastered them. They were great. It took 3 hours but so worth it. Today: leftovers!

Nov. 11, 2008

Thank God for ipods. I took my morning walk this morning and my ipod battery was dead and I had to walk without it. It seemed like an hour when it’s actually only 25 minutes. If they serve no other purpose but motivate us to exercise, they are so worth it. Whenever I feel too lazy to get my walking shoes on, I buy a new song and that gets me out the door. I finally mastered a new bread recipe. It takes 16 hours to make but I’ve never had bread this good. Here’s a picture of my masterpiece.

Nov. 14, 2008

There’s an ominous and familiar sight out my upstairs window. Another fire. First the Montecito fire and while it’s still burning, a new one in Sylmar. It’s about 20 miles away but it’s very windy (70 mph gusts) and I watch and wonder how far an ember can travel in these dry and windy conditions. I don’t think anyone in L.A. sleeps well on nights like this. I know I won’t.

Nov. 19, 2008

The fires are gone and the air is clear. Now I can go walking without a mask on. During the fires, everyone was advised to stay indoors but I needed my exercise. Next will come our rainy season and mudslides where there’s no more vegetation. So this is the price we pay to live in this little part of paradise: earthquakes, fires, and mudslides. It still beats the Canadian blizzards I grew up with. I think my new favorite TV show is Chocolate News. I’m kind of over Boston Legal but I still like Dirty Sexy Money and Ugly Betty. Over the weekend I did some sewing and made two pillows for the guest room. If I can’t find what I’m looking for, I usually make it. I also made my own kitchen curtains.

Nov. 23, 2008

I’m in computer hell! I haven’t been able to access my website for days and didn’t realize I’d miss it so much. I had nightmares on Friday night and needed to write about it, so whoever is reading this, thanks for being my e-therapist. I’m terrified of flying but I still needed to go places so I’ve been flying, but after a recent horrific near-death flight, I have not been able to get on a plane. But I dreamed that I was on a big 747 and it was flying along and then just suddenly dropped like it was falling from the sky, but it quickly recovered and kept on flying. Then about 10 minutes later it dropped again and this time it started falling, nose first towards the ground. I could see the ground getting closer as the plane was gaining speed. Just as it was about to crash, I woke up, soaking wet and shaking. It took a long time to get back to sleep and I hoped that dream wouldn’t come back. I’m going to spend Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with my stepmother. I used to fly but this time, I’ll be driving. On the bright side, I’m a good blackjack player and even won a tournament once. So I’m taking $100. to gamble with. A few double downs and I’ll soon be bragging about my big win.

Nov. 24, 2008

Things are better, thanks to an amazing assistant who basically reinstalled my entire operating system. Denis and I went to the Grove yesterday and it was unusually crowded. We also noticed about thirty security people, some with earpieces. I wondered if some politician was doing a book signing at the Barnes & Noble there. I also noticed that their Christmas tree was up – it’s over 100 feet tall and very striking (maybe I should take a picture next time we go). Anyway, it turned out that they were having the tree lighting ceremony and Natalie Cole was about to perform. It reminded me how much of a celebrity I’m not. Even when my show was on the air, I used to bike to work all by myself. I remember once when I was biking home and had all my makeup on, someone asked me for directions at a red light. I took off my sunglasses and she almost fell over. It turned out she was a big fan of the show. That was fun

Thanksgiving Day, 2008

Today is not all that different from other days for me because I have much to be thankful for. I think about it every day, not just on this holiday, realizing how fortunate I am. The only difference on Thanksgiving is… I just eat more. I’m in Las Vegas to spend the holiday with my stepmom. We went to see Jersey Boys last night at the Palazzo (awesome show, the best I’ve ever seen!), I lost 30 dollars at the blackjack table, and then tonight we are seeing “Love,” the Beatles/Cirque du Soleil Show at the Mirage. It’s rained for the past two days, a bit unusual for the desert. Vegas is crazy with growth since I lived here in the 60s and there is more construction everywhere. I’m not gambling any more this trip because it hurts enough to lose thirty bucks. Driving home tomorrow.

November 30, 2008

We heard the shuttle come in! We were sitting outside on the patio this afternoon (Denis & his nephew Ryan) and we heard a really loud boom. Of course we all thought it was an earthquake starting but when nothing moved, we realized it was the Endeavor landing at Edwards Air Force Base in California. We jumped up to see if it was visible but it wasn’t. But still, it was pretty exciting.

December 4, 2008

I finally upgraded my old Blackberry and it was like going from 8-track to an iPod. My old Blackberry was only three years old but the new one – wow! I got the Curve and it truly amazed me how far advanced it is. It seems like in one year, there is ten year’s worth of advancement. The new one has a camera & video, phone, internet, traffic, weather, GPS Navigation,…in my hand! A voice tells me how to get to Target! God! Do you people know how amazing that it? In your hand??

December 7, 2008

O.J., O.J., what have you done? How sad was it to see O.J.’s face during his sentencing? To know what he used to be, and what a role model he was to young black men, and now every life he has touched is ruined. Well at least he’s in the right place – finally. I decorated my Christmas tree today. It took all afternoon and it looks like the fancy ones I see in the stores. I’ll try get a good photo of it.

December 8, 2008

I have decided to commit another million dollars to Jenny’s Heroes and continue the grant program beyond 2008. Seeing what’s happening to our economy and how many people are struggling, I just can’t quit now.

December 11, 2008

Some guy tried to hit on me at Whole Foods last night! He was kind of weird looking. I was in the produce department and he kept staring at me, so I thought he was thinking, “That sure looks like that talk show host but it can’t be her. This woman looks more like she could work FOR a talk show host.” So he finally approached me and I was prepared to explain that I don’t dress up to grocery shop. “I noticed that your scrunchie matches your sweater,” he said. “That’s amazing that they’re the same color.” I headed straight to the checkout without my lettuce.

December 15, 2008

I like my new Blackberry but I somehow accidentally asked it for directions without knowing, and then it started talking and scared me. I didn’t know how to exit that so I just turned it all off. I need time to view the tutorial… maybe soon. I went to the mall for about an hour tonight and something bothered me. I passed by Lane Bryant and noticed all the mannequins in the window had all the clothes pinned at the back to pull them in to look slimmer. If the mannequins aren’t acceptable being big, how are the customers supposed to feel? I have a tree full of Meyer lemons so I made a lemon coconut cake last night. It’s been raining all day and there are two leaks in the house so I have buckets on the floor. Trying to find the source of the leaks won’t be easy. The roofers were just here last week and thought they repaired the source. I’m dying to do my Christmas baking but there’s no time!

December 18, 2008

It’s only a week until Christmas and I’m simply in denial. Just like if I feel a cold coming on and I just say, “I don’t have time for this,” and it goes away. Actually, I haven’t felt a cold coming on for 20 or 30 years. Maybe colds just know they’re not welcome in this body – it must be all that green tea. I got my hair cut and highlighted today – at home. It’s a luxury I afford myself for two reason, well actually three. One: No time to drive somewhere, park, wait, and think of all the meaningful things I could have done with the time. Two: I will never be featured in one of those “Celebs Without Makeup” things. Three: Com’on… I’m home in sweatpants and slippers, sipping my good green tea, and while the color sets, I can write in my diary.

December 22, 2008

If you ever want to people watch and find yourself in the Los Angeles area, go to Beverly Hills. Watch customers valet park at Neiman Marcus. I drove there, parked myself, went in, got what I needed and left, passing the same people still waiting for their cars! Then I pulled up next to someone who appeared to be driving herself home from a morning face lift. All I could see was her eyes, everything else was bandaged up. My guess is she should not have been behind the wheel. Then I saw a woman parading along Rodeo Drive in 5-inch heels – but I have to admit she looked good. But she’ll pay for that later in life. I finally did some Christmas baking! I made sugar cookies (my healthier version) and pfefferneuse (no healthy version possible). Tomorrow I plan to make Chrustki, which are Polish fried puffy light-as-air powdery sugared treats. It’s raining again.

Christmas Day, 2008

Merry Christmas! It never seems quite like Christmas in California but it did rain most of the day. My day started with baking a pecan pie ( I made my pumpkin pie last night) and setting the table for Denis’s sister & her husband and their two children. I used some beautiful dishes I found at Target last year. Then I made fresh cranberries, turkey, stuffing, green beans, mashed potatoes, and gravy. All from scratch. Everyone says it’s too much work but I really enjoyed it. And I especially enjoyed eating it! We made real whipped cream (who knows what’s in the spray-can stuff?) for the pies, had tea, and exchanged gifts. As soon as I find time, I’ll put some more recipes on this website.

December 26, 2008

Turkey leftovers! Now that Christmas is done, I’m working on our annual New Years Day Open House. So the caterer came by today and guess what? He did not know who I was until he got here but once we met face-to-face, he told me he visited my website last night. A complete coincidence. He’s a chef/caterer/standup/comic/actor/etc., and was just checking out some former comedians and looked me up. What are the odds? And when we talked about doing standup on the road, we knew all the same people! It’s a relationship that was meant to be. And I know the food’s going to be good because he does stand up, which is the hardest thing there is. If you can do stand up comedy, you can do anything.

New Year’s Eve, 2008

Are you as excited as I am that in less than 3 weeks, we’ll have our new President? Wow! President Obama. That’s a reason to celebrate the new year. I’m celebrating with an open house tomorrow and whose idea was it for me to bake all the desserts? Oh yeah, it was mine. I made sugar cookies, fudgey brownies, macaroons, meringues, and Meyer lemon bars with lemons off my tree. I bought a new top for the party at Macy’s. At first I put it on hold while I went to Bloomingdale’s to see if I liked anything better, and I saw the same top for 40% off. But they didn’t have my size. So I went back to Macy’s and told the sales woman about the discount. I think she thought I was bluffing because she said, “If I can verify the price, I can give you the discount.” Then she picked up the phone saying she would call Bloomingdale’s, probably expecting me to hang up her phone and say I might have made a mistake. But I didn’t stop her, she called Bloomingdale’s, confirmed the discount, and I got the top at 40% off! Happy New Year!

 

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Dear Diary 2007

March 02, 2007

So I survived the Academy Awards. By the time it was over my roots got longer but I thought Ellen did a really good job. I imagined myself up there hosting, okay paralyzed by fear in front of a hundred gazillion people, and I can’t imagine surviving a gig like that.

I was in a coffee shop this week and our waiter was a big fan of the show and told me that I helped him get through a personal issue. This 6’5″ (formerly) 570 pound man had lost 300 pounds! You go Lee!

March 09, 2007

I am so sad to hear that my all time favorite regular guest on the Jenny Jones show has died. Roy Little, who we knew as “Tornado” as well as “Big Daddy Woo Woo”, passed away on February 22nd from cardiac arrest. He was just 50 years old and had suffered a stroke 3 months earlier. I didn’t want to believe it at first but it’s true. I was always excited when I heard he was going to appear on one of our shows. He was so loveable he brightened our studio simply by walking in. And the audience adored him. He even entertained the audience during commercial breaks when the cameras weren’t rolling. He was funny and warm and it was clear to me that he was born to entertain. I hope his family knows how much joy he brought to the world. I will always miss you, my friend.

March 20, 2007

Denis and I went to Vegas last week to visit my stepmother, Roula. I played some Blackjack and won $100.!! I hate to gamble more than $5. at a time and it’s impossible to find a table that cheap, so I had to spend $10 per hand. Not sure when we’ll go back – so many people and so much traffic. Not like the old days when I lived there and you could drive anywhere in ten minutes. I missed my home cooking.

March 30, 2007

I had lunch in Hollywood this week with “Jen” and we caught up on some of the old Jenny Jones Show staffers and where everyone is working. On the way home there was a huge fire in the Hollywood Hills. I could see flames near the Hollywood sign and helicopters dropping water. Just one of the hazards of living in southern California. But I wouldn’t trade this beautiful weather, not after growing up in Canada. I still love Canada, I just don’t want to be there in January! My committment to walk 30 minutes a day is so tough to keep up but I do my best. Sometimes it takes a new song in my iPod to motivate me but whatever it takes. Today it was Gnarls Barkley.

April 6, 2007

Easter is coming so I decided to do something special for our housekeeper. She likes my baking so I decided to make her a Bunny-bread, which was a bunny-shaped egg bread. I had never done it before so I needed a plan. I sketched out several designs on paper and eventually had sketches all over the kitchen. I finally decided on a simple design using 4 pieces of bread dough: a round body, a round head and two big floppy ears, with raisins for the eyes. This way she could see right away that it was an Easter bunny. I baked it last night and wrapped it up with a shiny bow.

This morning I was waiting to see her expression when she opened it up and saw this cute, edible bunny. She opened up the wrapping and practically jumped with joy when I said I baked it myself. “Egg bread!” she said. “I have to try it!” She ripped off the head and started eating it. “Wait! It’s a bunny,” I told her, trying to intercept the destruction of my art. “Oh, it looked so tasty I didn’t notice.” We then re-attached the partially-eaten raisin-missing head to the body so she could see what I had made for her. It looked more like a possum at that point but we were both laughing so hard it didn’t matter.

April 15, 2007

I can’t find my black sweater! It’s the really good one I got on sale three years ago. I called the cajun restaurant to see if I left it, searched everywhere and have finally given up. I wish I had put some i.d. in the pocket. Oh well, it’s either sitting in a lost & found somewhere or (I hope) whoever has it really needed a warm sweater. I had the evening all to myself last night and decided to go through some old boxes I had stored away. Wow, I found some great stuff, like photos of me with Lou Bega (one hit wonder) Coolio, and even Deidra Hall (Days of Our Lives), all of whom appeared on my show. Then I found a bunch of flyers and photos from my 25th anniversary tour with Engelbert Humperdinck when I was his opening act. And I found my GED certificate from ten years ago – it’s going right up on my wall.

April 20, 2007

Had a meeting today with Jen and Robert about my website. We’re going to be doing lots of new stuff, like adding video, lots more photos and other new changes. I can’t wait for the new additions. Since we met at the house I baked a coffee cake for them. Jen was being good and had one small piece but I had two because I love this cake. So I’m sharing the recipe below.

April 29, 2007

Earl came over yesterday. I still say he’s the best makeup artist on the planet, although he also did my wardrobe for the talk show. We had a chance to catch up and I always love hearing what the old JJ-staffers are doing now. We had breakfast (I made apple pancakes) and then we took our cameras and went outside to take pictures of my roses. The best picture was of a rose called Soaring Spirit.

Click here to see it

May 3, 2007

I am so freaked out! We found a rattlesnake in the front yard! Yikes! It was a baby and I just heard on the news that baby rattlers are more dangerous than adults because they can’t control their venom so you get a lot of it if you get bit. Luckily, it was the gardener who found it and he killed it with a shovel, but it was very close to where I was sitting down on the grass just yesterday. Now I’m afraid to even walk around out there because he’s dead, and what if his mother is looking for him?

May 15, 2007

Denis and I went biking on Mother’s Day. It takes longer to put the bikes (and rack) on the car than we spend actually biking but he does it without too many complaints. We biked around Balboa Park and watched people operate remote control airplanes nearby. Then I called my stepmom, Roula, to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. She always reminds me that she’s not my REAL mother but in fact, she was always more of a mother to me than my “real” mother.

May 22, 2007

Homeownership is a full time job! In the last 10 days I’ve seen the plumber, handyman, carpenter, painters, and gardeners. This is my life. But I can’t complain with the gorgeous home I live in. My biggest worry is, “Will an earthquake crack the paint job they just finished?” I think I need to get out more. But we did drive to Santa Monica last Sunday to Montana Avenue. It’s a great shopping area and after 2 hours of looking around, I bought a pillow.

May 25, 2007

Four coyotes! I couldn’t believe it. Driving home last night around 9 pm I was just 2 houses away from my driveway and right there, on the street in front of my car, four coyotes. And they didn’t run from the car either. They just stopped, looked at me, and kept walking. I made a U-turn and shone my high beams on them and they sure looked like they had a mission. Now I know why people never allow their cats outside in this neighborhood. We’re close to a huge hill so now I know who lives up there in the bushes, besides the deer that eat everything that grows. With full grown deer and German Shepherd-size coyotes, I wonder which one is the threat.

June 1, 2007

I’m a coyote magnet. Yesterday morning-back yard-another coyote walking up the hill. I’d never seen one out in the daylight so I raced into the house to get my camera. He started digging a hole and I quickly took 4 shots – dirt flying – great light – zoom lens – he even looked at me once. As soon as he left I went straight to my computer to see what I captured. What?! No card in the camera?!? How could this happen? I vowed I would always leave a card in my camera. I have four for God’s sake. Lesson learned: NEVER leave the camera unloaded. You never know what you might miss. I looked for him all day yesterday but he never came back. I even staked out the hill today but all I saw was two baby deer with their mom.

June 7, 2007

Happy Birthday to me. And what better gift could I have received than the news this morning that Paris Hilton is out of jail! My birthday wish came true! All I wanted was for her suffering to end, and a new set of spatulas, and I got both. I even tried sleeping without a pillow and turned up the a/c so I could experience her pain. But I have my limits; eating a baloney sandwich was out of the question. I’ve been there and jail sucks, but so does the judicial system. Hey, look what I saw in my back yard yesterday…click here to see it.

June 12, 2007

It was a beautiful, balmy evening so I said, “Hey, let’s eat outside!” I got a table cloth and napkins and set us up on the patio. I was roasting vegetables and made salmon patties so we just needed a plate and a fork. Simple. No fuss. What a relaxing way to enjoy a nice, healthy dinner… you’d think. I wasn’t halfway through my food when I noticed a big fly nosing around. I kept eating, fully prepared to swat it with my napkin, but as it came closer it wasn’t a fly it was a bee. Okay, I can do bees. They’re always in the garden and we don’t bother each other. Then it started getting more aggresive which was unusual for a bee. Wait. It’s not a bee. It’s a Yellowjacket! They’re nasty. And he wanted my salmon, racing around inches from my face. I didn’t know what to do. If I ran inside with my food, he’d come in with me. So I carefully put the plate down and slowly backed away into the house. Denis didn’t panic and brought my plate inside. Too bad. I’ll miss eating outdoors because I’m not going back. I still like bees, though. They’re fun to photograph…

click here to see my photo.

June 15, 2007

I saw Tom Selleck at the nursery today. Damn, he’s good looking!

June 20, 2007

Why am I so terrified by spiders? I saw one in the bedroom today that was huge. He actually seemed annoyed that I walked in. He kind of looked at me like, “Crap, what’s she doing here?” I never know what to do. When they’re on the floor I just place a glass over them and wait for Denis to get there. But this one was on the wall so I got out my new spider vacuum that has a suction cup that goes over the bug, you turn it on and they get sucked into a base cup. Then you can release them outside. So I trapped him in the suction cup and turned it. But he was so big he grabbed the edge with some of his legs and hung on. I kept the suction running but he kept hanging on, flailing in there like a wind surfer. After a while my arm got tired so I gave up. But not for good. I came back with a paper cup and scotch tape. He’s still trapped on the wall, waiting for Denis to get back.

June 24, 2007

It took some time but I went through tons of boxes in storage to find some old videos for my web site. When I did standup in the 80s, I think my hair was funnier than my material. I’m anxious for Robert to include them in the site. I love the Photos Galore page he created and can’t wait to see what he does with these videos. Denis and I went to Target yesterday. We were just stopping by to look for a curtain rod and it turned into an hour. I found some great measuring spoons and he bought some movies. When we got home I was hungry and headed for the plum tree in the back yard. I knew exactly where the ripe ones were, four on one branch. But when I reached up there were only two. I knew there were four this morning. They were dark and ripe and ready to be my snack. Who took my plums? Deer? Coyotes? Birds? I decided to do a stake out. I made some green tea and sat outside. Twenty minutes later I nabbed this mug shot. click here to see the culprit

July 2, 2007

When did jeans get to costing two hundred dollars? The last ones I bought were about eighty dollars so I need to get out more. My friend, Terri came to town and we went shopping at the Beverly Center. It seemed pretty simple. We were looking for a pair of jeans. Well, you might as well fill out an application: Boot cut? Peg leg? Cropped? Ripped? Washed? Low rise? And don’t get me started on pockets. We were overwhelmed and exhausted but did find a great pair. Remember the squirrel that was eating my plums? I saw him sitting motionless up on a ledge today so I decided to investigate in case he was injured. I crept closer and closer but he still didn’t move. Know why? He was sleeping! check out this picture! I guess there’s nothing like a big meal followed by a nap.

July 13, 2007

Finally, it’s good to see they’re putting healthier snacks in schools. I remember my mother making me sugar sandwiches… a slice of Wonder bread with butter and sugar. Yikes. She really didn’t know better but at least now I do. What I really don’t understand is they are finally banning trans fats but smoking is still legal. Which one is more deadly? I’ve never smoked and I don’t eat Wonder bread any more. In fact I bake my own bread most of the time. Today I made whole wheat because it makes fantastic French toast. It’s Denis’s birthday so I baked his favorite cake (orange with chocolate chips). We went out for Thai food and came back for cake. It’s hard to buy presents for someone who still wears shirts from 1975, so I bought him some music.

July 23, 2007

Today was so much fun. I spent the day taping some How-To videos for the website. We taped them at home and I took a chance and did my own makeup and hair. I’ll never be able to do what my team at the talk show did. Earl’s makeup work was the best I’ve ever had and Ricardo is the only hairdresser who made my hair look fabulous, every single day. But I have to stand on my own now since the boys are in New York and Chicago, but they taught me well. The house was a mess by the end of the day since a lot of the videos involved food. I’m trying not to eat too many of the meringues I baked for the shoot.

July 26, 2007

It was pap test day so I can’t say I had fun. Blood test, bone scan, probing and more probing and then after that, more probing. “Where is that uterus?” said the doc. I guess mine is tilted, or so I’ve heard. The good news is my blood pressure is great, as always, and my bones are unchanged. The bad news is I’ve gained 10 pounds since last summer! What!? “Let me take off my watch and step on the scale again.” Still, 10 pounds more. Well, that got my attention. So that’s it. No more cookies….. well, less cookies, and only the ones I bake. And only one gelato treat per week. I can do this.

August 1, 2007

I’m back in Chicago again and boy, is it great to be back. It’s hot and muggy but I don’t care. This time I’m here as a tourist along with my housekeeper, Antonia. It’s her first time in Chicago so we went sight-seeing to all my favorite places, including Michigan Avenue, Navy Pier, and then what I thought was the old Marshall Fields downtown but it’s now Macy’s. From there we took a Trolley back to Water Tower Mall. I sat next to a nice guy named Eddie who filled me in on local goings-on. After that, I drove Antonia past the NBC studios where the Jenny Jones Show was taped. Chicago has the nicest people. No wonder so many talk shows come here. And you don’t have to go far out of the city to see fantastic wild life. Look at the young deer we saw: just click here

August 8, 2007

There was something I wanted to write about today but by the time I logged on, I forgot what it was. Oh well.

August 9, 2007

We had an earthquake, so I’m definitely back in California. It was around 1 a.m. and the bed thumped and then shook, slowed down a bit, and shook again. The scariest part is not knowing if it’s “the big one.” Even though it didn’t last long, I kept waiting for it to start back up. Luckily, it was only a 4.5 but it still scared the bejeebers out of me. How can anyone sleep after that? I had to find something to do to calm my nerves so I got up and vacuumed.

August 16, 2007

Another earthquake! Damn! This one felt like a truck hit the house. It was a sharp jolt and then it was over. I put the tv on right away and it was reported as a 3.5. After the disastrous quake in Peru, this one sure scared me. You always wonder how bad it’s going to be. l’m still waiting for aftershocks.

August 22, 2007

It’s too hot for my morning walk but I did go to the mall last night and that included walking. Whenever I go to a mall I make it a point to walk the entire mall just for exercise. By now I was pretty sure I had lost a pound or two. Since I don’t keep a scale at home I found one at the mall and weighed myself. No change. What!? What do I have to do? Stop eating cookies? What kind of life is that? I have to go now. I’m going walking.

August 22, 2007

(an hour later)
I walked and it wasn’t that bad.

August 25, 2007

I just saw the biggest, nastiest, heart-stopping spider I’ve ever seen…EVER…anywhere in my entire life. In the house! In the kitchen! It took my breath away. I just stood there for a few seconds, afraid to move. I was alone and contemplated calling the fire department. They are just up the street and if there’s no fire emergency maybe they’d come over. But I couldn’t wait that long. I decided to get the bug spray. But what if it didn’t work? Maybe he was too big for bug spray. He was almost 2 inches across. I had to do something so I decided on the spray. Oh, no. The spray is in the pantry and the spider is right in front of the pantry. Getting desperate, I made my move. I stepped over the spider, into the pantry, grabbed the spray, and stepped back out, afraid to look down. What if he was gone? I’d have to go to a hotel. He was still there and I swear he was looking at me as if to say, “Just try it, bitch.” That was all I needed. I sprayed him like he was a bee-hive hairdo from the 1950’s. When the mist cleared, he came walking out and started going down the hall. I panicked. I grabbed an empty jar, followed him, and as I closed in I squinted my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see him too clearly. Hoping I wouldn’t miss, I quickly popped the jar over him and backed away. I could see him trying to get out but there was no way. I’m going to go back now and see what he’s doing. (gone to the kitchen) I’m back and he’s dead, curled up like a little hair ball. Who’s the bee-och now?

August 31, 2007

It’s unbelievably hot today. About 100 degrees, so we don’t use any appliances in the afternoon. I’ve been checking the pantry area every day in case there was a Mrs. Spider out looking for her wayward mate. Luckily, I think he was a bachelor. Denis and I had our teeth cleanings today. I always book us together because if I didn’t, he wouldn’t go. They always say married men, or those in relationships, live longer than single men, and now I know why. Because if I didn’t book his dentist, or doctor checkup, there would never be one. And I got him to get a colonoscopy by getting one myself first. A non-event. I can’t get a prostate exam so he may never get one of those.

September 3, 2007

The thermostat in my car read 108 degrees when I drove into Sherman Oaks today. It’s too hot to walk, too hot to barbeque, too hot to swim. When I got home, I wanted to take pictures outside but I could only stay in the back yard for five minutes at a time, then in for some water. It wasn’t too hot for one praying mantis I spotted in a shrub and photographed. See if you can find him in this picture.

September 6, 2007

Another rattlesnake! What is going on?? The gardener came down from the hill behind my house dangling a baby rattlesnake. It wasn’t very big but it could still send you to the hospital. I took his picture next to a quarter. Wanna see?

September 20, 2007

Between Larry King and Nancy Grace, I hardly have time for anything else. If I’m not checking on the Phil Spector jury, I’m trying to understand the fiasco with O.J.’s cast of characters. Who could write a script this bizarre? A fallen sports hero, gangsters, felons, guns, stolen goods, secret tapes, a heart attack, a victim jailed, the Palace Station in Vegas! I can’t stand it! I went outside to unwind from it all and saw this butterfly in the back yard. I’ll miss all my backyard critters with rain coming tomorrow.

October 6, 2007

It’s 4:30 am and I’m heading down the St. Lawrence River on a cruise ship. The strong winds and 8-foot waves have been bouncing us around all night so I gave up trying to sleep. But until today it’s been great to finally see New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and especially Prince Edward Island. What a beautiful province. We left from Boston a week ago and our next stop is Port Saguenay, Quebec and then on to Quebec City and Montreal where I get to meet up with my sister, Liz. This was supposed to be a fall color vacation but so far, the leaves have not turned. Everyone’s blaming global warming.

October 13, 2007

Finally home! It’s still the best place to be. What I missed most was my own cooking. The oatmeal on the ship resembled a sort of glue-sand-wallpaper paste combo. So I made a huge bowl of real oatmeal for breakfast, cooked the long way for all of six minutes. I may be the only person to lose weight on a cruise but the food was just too fru-fru for me. Here are a couple of items off the menu that explain why:

*Sauteed Escalope of Fioe Gras with Roasted Apples

*Mousseline of Chicken Liver with Sauterne Jelly

*Foie Gras Torchon, Quince Compote with Hazelnut Brioche

Is it just me? Where’s the meat loaf with real mashed potatoes? Where’s the roast chicken? Well, I guess some people like fancy fare but not me. I lost 3 pounds. We only saw autumn color in one spot and it was the best place on the trip – Saguenay, Quebec. We occasionally got Headline News on our TV and the news was always bad. Some guy was holding another guy’s leg hostage, and Britney lost her kids. I had to stop watching to not be sad. The visit with my sister was fantastic. We went to see the old house where we grew up in Montreal, got a vip tour of the whole city, and stuffed ourselves senseless with Italian food.

October 16, 2007

I bought a new camera today and I’m so excited. I got a great deal from a man named Fred at the camera store, who also happened to be a fan of my show. Now I have a really cool lens with an image stabilizer so I can finally get a good hummingbird picture. I can’t wait to use it but I have to charge the battery first. Thank goodness the old camera made it throught my cruise and I know I got my money’s worth since it also took all the photos for my cookbook. I must have taken 50,000 pictures with the old one, something I would never have done before digital. If I had children, I’d be saying, “When I was your age, we had to actually buy film and then take it to a place with big machines to get our photos developed – a hardhsip you’ve never known.”

October 21, 2007

Fires are burning all over the L.A. area and Malibu is especially bad. I’m about 25 miles away but I can smell it if I step outside and I can see the smoke hanging over the whole city. It was unbelievably windy last night and on the news they said we had 108-mile an hour gusts. That’s what sends embers all over the place to start new fires. It’s so sad to watch the news and see people’s homes going up in flames. What would it be like to lose all your stuff – pictures, clothes, your favorite chair, the curtains you sewed for the kitchen…? I can’t imagine.

October 24, 2007

The air is not good to breathe anywhere in L.A. Outside, the color is sort of pink and hazy and you can smell the fires. I went walking with a mask on today but I could still taste it. I think I’ll skip my walks for a while. The winds have died down some but there are still a dozen fires burning. Some firefighters haven’t slept yet. I’m in the hills and every time a helicopter flies over, I’m afraid there may be a new fire right here. It’s just surreal, and to think that someone did this on purpose is beyond understanding. I can’t think of a punishment severe enough if they are caught.

October 31, 2007

I went to the mall today and the saleslady was wearing a clown nose and a bright red curly wig. Then I went to Whole Foods and stood in line behind a guy in a vampire cape. Stopped at the bank on the way home and the teller had coconut boobs on his shirt. I vote for an age restriction on Halowe’en costumes, or at least a regulation so you can’t decorate yourself until the banks close.

November 5, 2007

So we turned the clocks back and now it’s dark at 5 o’clock. It sucks. I’m starving and it’s not time for dinner yet.

November 9, 2007

I’m already working on my Christmas list and since I’ve been disappointed so many times in food gifts that are shipped directly, I decided to ship them to myself first. So next week I’m expecting my deliveries to arrive… caramel corn, almond bark… why not get my holiday weight gain over with now? It’s a good thing I did my photo shoot last week while my skinny jeans still fit. Actually, the most I will likely gain is about 5 pounds but that’s not bad considering that I’ll be baking enough Christmas cookies for all the santas at all the malls, everywhere. A lot of people email asking when I will be back on TV but I am not working by choice. I do get offers but so far nothing has made me want to put on pantyhose and lots of makeup.

November 18, 2007

Guess what I did today? Check it out

Thanksgiving Day, 2007

Why did I have to eat that much? Why am I so sleepy? Isn’t 9:30 too early to go to bed? But that was some great meal. I made it all from scratch: turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, fresh cranberries, candied yams, green beans, pumpkin pie, real whipped cream! My stepmom, Roula, came in from Las Vegas with her husband, Victor, along with friends Terri, Rick and Cheryl. I’d write more but I have to go to bed.

November 29, 2007

It seems like from Thanksgiving until New Years, there’s a non-stop list of things to do. I actually went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. They must call it Black Friday for the bruises you get fighting the crowds. Since my stepmom was visiting, we also went to Farmer’s Market and the Grove. I never get tired of going there, especially when the weather’s good. Oh wait, the weather is always good here. I ate my last piece of pumpkin pie yesterday. Went to a lunch meeting yesterday about something pretty cool that I’ll be doing on the website next year.

December 7, 2007

So I was having tea at Starbucks in Beverly Hills around 5 p.m. tonight and there were about eight other people there. Next thing I know, about thirty people came barging through the door, pushing, shoving, and yelling and I got scared. I thought we were being robbed. This was a tiny cafe and this crowd moved through like a single mass of bodies. Then I realized that each one had a camera and flashes of light were popping like 4th of July fireworks. “Cameras out!” I heard from behind the counter, although I couldn’t see anything past the crowd. More people came in, more cameras, digital, video, flashbulbs, and everyone ignoring the orders to leave, even though a voice was heard yelling, “Get out! Cameras, get out!” Finally, the mass started heading for the door, continuing its onslaught of flashes with each guy bumping into the next. As they brushed past my table, I could finally see into the middle of the mass. Britney needed coffee.

December 14, 2007

All my Christmas shopping is done! I just have to gloat about it. There are still two weekends left plus the whole week going into Christmas, and I am done. I don’t have to look for parking by slowly following someone with packages and keys in their hand. Then they cross to the next row where someone else is hovering. No fighting the crowds. No finding out the last good one was sold an hour ago. So I’m feeling pretty smug, except for one thing. I want it. The crowds and waiting in line are part of the experience so even though I don’t need anything else, I think I need to be there. They’re open late. I’m off to the mall.

December 23, 2007

I love to cook and bake, especially Christmas dinner. But this year, I’m also doing it by remote. My stepmom came from her home in Las Vegas for Thanksgiving and loved my turkey dinner, especially my dressing which I made from scratch. So she decided to copy my whole meal for Christmas. The thing is, she doesn’t cook. She called me eight times today just to talk her through the gravy. Turkey dinner is a big undertaking, even for experienced cooks, so I expect to be on the phone a lot on Christmas Day. Since I’ll be making my own dinner, I think I should wear a bluetooth headset for the day.

December 24, 2007

The meaning of Christmas has surely gotten lost in the way we celebrate it. It is a birthday, after all. So to remember His special day, I set up a nativity scene. But our housekeeper, Antonia, said you have to cover the baby Jesus because he wasn’t born yet. So she tore off a little piece of tissue and placed it over the baby. I wonder if that’s why people have been stealing all those baby Jesuses from people’s front lawns. I also wonder why Caucasians don’t name their children Jesus, but Hispanics do. A lot. Our gardener’s name is Jesus. Just some things to ponder. My Christmas wish for everyone is to be safe, healthy, and that someone or something loves them unconditionally.

 

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