1. I went to the mall today… actually, I didn’t get in because I could not find parking. Even the handicapped spaces were taken. How is it that so many handicapped people are driving a Lexus or Mercedes? Oh, I suppose they must have been injured, got one of those TV lawyers and won a big settlement and then spent the money on a luxury car. There could be no other explanation…

2. If a man says something when he’s alone in a forest and nobody hears him, is he still wrong? (this ponderance may be a reflection of how my day went today)

3. What happened to Charlie Sheen’s teeth?

It’s one thing for me to post pictures I take in my back yard but quite another to take those photos and create a collage of all my back yard visitors. That’s exactly what my facebook friend, Brian, did in his spare time. He did such an awesome job and clearly spent a lot of time to do this, so I want everyone to see it. I love my backyard and consider all the visitors ‘family,’ even the ones I love to hate (like the mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, tomato-stealing squirrels). If  all seventeen showed up at once, who would be the last one standing?  Who would escape? Who would become lunch? Would any of them work together as a team or would they backstab each other to survive? I know who would run & hide like a scared little girl…

Scene of the Crime:

Evidence:

D.N.A.  Sample:

Mug Shot:

We went out to dinner Tuesday night with friends and guess who was at the next table? Warren Beatty! I didn’t notice him until we were leaving and when I saw him, I knew his face but for a moment I wasn’t sure who he was. We looked at each other for a few seconds and he was probably thinking the same thing… “I’ve seen her before but where?”  Anyway, I played it very cool and walked out but as soon as I was outside: “Did you see who that was? It was Warren Beatty!” He’s definitely one of the biggest movie stars I’ve seen around town. I did see Tom Selleck at the nursery once (two words: Gor Geous!) and I saw Burt Reynolds driving on the freeway. Oh, and Elliot Gould on Ventura Boulevard, and Britney Spears at a Starbucks. I just realized there’s more…

I saw Nicollette Sheridan at the market, Tom Jones walking, Charlie Sheen driving, Nancy Reagan at the the Bel Air Hotel, Naya Rivera from Glee at the mall, Courtney Love in the Chanel store, Jay Leno driving an old Model T, Travis Barker in Benihana, and last month I saw Christian Slater at a Beverly Hills mall. Oh, oh, here’s the best one: Mohamed Ali at the Grove!

No one seems to notice me when I go shopping but if they ever do and take my picture, look for me in the horrendous “Stars Without Makeup” issue.

It was a beautiful day today (in spite of two earthquakes) so I decided to go to Franklin Canyon to take pictures of the dragonflies. As soon as I got there, I saw a squirrel going up a tree. As soon as he saw me, he stopped dead in his tracks and started looking at me. He stared for a while and even leaned in a little, as if he recognized me. Was I the one who sent him on the metal basket ride down the canyon for stealing my tomatoes? Ostracized to the Squirrel Sanctuary? I wasn’t going to let him intimidate me so I stared him down. “What are you lookin’ at?” I said, standing my ground. “You don’t scare me. You miss my tomatoes don’t you, you mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, tomato-stealing squirrel.” He took one last look and moved up the tree but he waited there until I left, and watched me walk away as if to say, “I know where you live. See you soon, cupcake.”

Who can resist a free contest? Not my squirrels. The contest started this morning and we already have a winner!

Oh wait! Make that TWO winners.

Our Critter Trapper had to make two trips today. Before you get all mushy and feel sorry for these mangy, rat-faced, no-good, low-life, beady-eyed, scum-sucking, tomato-stealing squirrels, by law they just get picked up and relocated a few miles away. They get turned in to a nature preserve somewhere. I’d rather see them turned into a wallet… call it a squallet.

“I’ll just take this nice tomato and go back to m…… Wait…! What?…. What the….. Oh no she didn’t!”

(more captions needed)

I played hooky yesterday (from what? I don’t have a job!) and went to the Butterfly Pavilion at the museum. I go there every year and it’s an awesome experience. They put up a small tent and hundreds of butterflies fly around freely, often landing on the visitors. Everyone brings a camera. I was there over an hour taking pictures and eight different times, someone said, “There’s a butterfly on your hat!” I was wearing a white hat and they kept landing on my head. Why me? I don’t know. Maybe they were trying to send me a message: “You got your pictures, now get out! We’re tired of posing for you people and we’d like some peace and quiet. Get out now or we’ll poop on your head!”