Back in August, I had an episode of arrhythmia (I could feel my heart beating in my throat) and wound up seeing to a cardiologist who had me wear a heart monitor to see if I had heart disease or if I might need a pacemaker. At the time, I was cleared and in fact, the arrhythmia disappeared in a few weeks. I never imagined I would have a cardiologist but I sure was glad everything was okay. —- Fast forward to last week: I went to my regular long-time doctor for an annual physical including a blood test. He called me today with the results and I was surprised he was calling on a Saturday of a long weekend. He had never called on a weekend before so it made me anxious. He told me my total cholesterol, which had been elevated, was good and so was my LDL. I said that was good news. “But I have some bad news,” he said. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” he went on to say, “but you are going to find out anyway.” I could feel a knot in the pit of my stomach and I started to sweat. “It was just 3 months since you saw your cardiologist,” he said as I tried to remember what was on my bucket list. My heart was pounding! Give it to me straight, doc! What have I got – six months? But I’m still working on my cookbook. Why is he taking so long?? I can handle the truth – just tell me. “Your cardiologist died.”

What? That’s great! … NO! Not great! … But good news! … No, it’s not! Not good news, not for him, but good for me. That’s wrong too. Not good for anybody. How can I feel sad for him when I was just pulled back from the long dirt nap. No doctor should ever say, “I have bad news,” unless you’re the one who’s dying! Now I hate myself for being glad, and the stress of this is making my blood pressure rise and my heart is beating in my throat. OMG, I think my arrhythmia is back!