Jennifer writes…
Dear Jenny,
My boyfriend, John, and I have lived together for 4-1/2 years. It has not been a easy road. We fell in love and we both still have strong physical attractions to one another. Our sex life has been great, although it has slowed down. My problem started a couple of years ago when one of his ex-girlfriends (Brenda) contacts him after 20 years to say she’s moving back to town. She was constantly calling him. One morning at 4 am I woke up to find him talking low to someone on the phone. I said, “Who are you talking to at this time?” He told her, “I have to go. Jennifer just woke up and there’s going to be trouble. He told her he would talk to her later. Needless to say I had a fit. I could not believe it! A few minutes later the phone rings, he answers it, and it’s her again. He said, “I told you I would talk to you later,” and hung up.

I asked him what was going on. He said her mother was really sick and she was drunk. She called again. I was absolutely crushed. He will not tell her to quit calling because she has a boyfriend. He keeps talking to her behind my back and ended up at her house to visit her and her boyfriend. Finally, about six months ago he told her not to call here anymore because it caused problems. However, I found a couple of calls he has made to her. Now, another ex-girlfriend was looking for him on the website “Reunions.” She sent him a e-mail saying she has never stopped fantasizing about him, even though she is married. She said she would really like to reconnect with him. John gives her the house phone number (he does not have a cellphone). She called and he told her this was not a good time to talk. So they converse back and forth with e-mails. This has been going on for about 5 months. I know because I went to open my e-mail and John’s opened up. I know it was wrong for me to intrude, but whever I walk in he shuts down his email. I don’t because I have nothing to hide.

Last week we were in a heated conversation and he blurts out… “Oh, by the way Brenda will be coming out here next month.” I did not say a word, as my heart dropped to my stomach. Later, I asked him why he is doing this to me. It’s not right. He should tell them that he is in a relationship and I don’t like it. How should I deal with this? He tells me to quit crying because he’s not doing anything wrong, and it’s my problem, not his. I don’t know what to do.

Jennifer

My Response…
Jennifer, do you really need me to tell you this guy is a dog? How many signs do you need? Secret phone calls? Giving a married woman your home phone number? Going to Brenda’s house to see her and her boyfriend? Are you kidding me? Telling you she’s coming to town!?! He’s not even trying to hide his cheating ways. And are you supposed to be happy that he says he can’t talk because Jennifer will get upset? How about, “I can’t talk right now…or ever…because I am in a relationship with Jennifer who I love and respect. And I would never disrespect her by carrying on a secret relationship with anyone else.” The only thing he’s right about is that this is not his problem, it’s yours because you are allowing him to disrespect you. Next late night phone call that doesn’t end with the statement above, should be the last one. After that, go out and find a real man.
Jenny