1. The state of New York finally voted to allow gay marriage. Finally! Equality for everyone! Now gay people can be just as miserable as the rest of us.

2. Basketball star Ron Artest want to change his name to Metta World Peace. What? Why? If anyone could use a name change right now, it’s Anthony Weiner.

3. The Casey Anthony trial has dominated all the networks since it started. I hope she testifies so they can add perjury to her charges. How will we know she’s lying? Her lips will be moving.

4. After a mix-up at a Tennessee hospital, a dead man is being exhumed to remove his dentures that belong to another man who shared the same room. Getting the hospital to pay for the cost will be like pulling teeth.

5. He calls himself the “King of Infomercials” but Don Lapre was arrested for fraud after he bilked over 200,000 victims for $50 million dollars. I expect the judge will sentence him in a way he’ll understand: “You could expect to serve 10 to 15 years… but wait… there’s more!”