Arnold Schwarzenegger’s  cheating doesn’t really come as a surprise, but WHO he did it with, WHERE he did it, and WHEN he did it (babies delivered FIVE days apart!) puts him in a whole new category. His story is best described using his own movie titles:

PREDATOR – What he is.

RAW DEAL – What Maria got.

TRUE LIES – How he lived his life.

TWINS – His two sons are almost twins.

CONAN the DESTROYER – What he did to his wife.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE – What this did to his family.

TOTAL RECALL – Will he recall another love-child?

END OF DAYS – Where his career is headed.

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY – What his future holds.

A mother injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox, then lost custody of her child. But wait, now she claims it was all a hoax. What’s worse? Injecting your child’s face with toxins or teaching her to lie for money? Botox paralyzes muscles, so let’s inject some into her lips so they will stop flapping.

International Monetary Fund chief, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, went from Penthouse to Rikers Island for a reported sexual assault at  New York hotel. Rich & powerful men don’t like prison. They can’t relate to the riff-raff in there. Hey, maybe he and O.J. can be pen pals!

Everyone’s talking about the big rupture that’s supposed to happen today but they never said what kind. Is it a volcano rupture? Or maybe an underground gas line rupture – that would be big. Wait. Maybe it’s a famous person’s spleen. Oh well, I guess I’ll find out tomor…..what? Oooh…. RAPture!… My bad.

Donald Trump is not running for president after all. He chose a reality show over the presidency. Why not do both? With Trump in the White House, we could call it: The Biggest Ego: Cameras show the oval office being enlarged to accomodate Trump’s head.