I never worried about the Fiscal Cliff because the Apocalypse was going to happen first.

What, no Apocalypse? The world was supposed to end on December 21st, but I guess not. Somebody out there probably didn’t buy Christmas presents figuring, “What for? We’ll all be dead. Why waste the money? I’ll spend it all on my funeral.” But who’s gonna come?

David Patraeus wasn’t smart enough to cover up his affair… and he was in charge of the CIA? And a possible presidential contender? Not any more. Lying and cheating have no place in politics…. wait… what?

I’ll never forget Tan Mom. Remember that woman who put her 6-year-old daughter in a tanning bed? Let’s not rush to judgement. Maybe mom’s naugahyde face was so scary, her daughter ran into the tanning bed to hide.

Get the hook! Somebody should have pulled Clint Eastwood off the stage at the RNC once he started talking to the chair. Was he serious? Hallucinating? We had an uncle who used to talk to the toaster but he’s on medication now.

OMG, the craziest story of the year was the 80-year-old grandmother who tried to “restore” a rare fresco that belonged to a church in Spain. The painting depicted Jesus but when she was done, not so much. They say she was a painter but refinishing a deck is not the same. Jesus looked more like Mr. Potatohead.

I hope they make a movie about how Katie Holmes orchestrated her escape from Tom Cruise. Some possible titles: “It’s Not a Wonderful Life” or “To Kill a Career” or how about “One Flew OUT of the Cuckoo’s Nest.”